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March 14, 2017

The Wonderful Thing that Happens when we Admit we Need Love.

“Admit something: Everyone you see, you say to them, ‘Love me.’” ~ Hafiz, With That Moon Language 

~

The great Sufi, mystic poet, Hafiz, urges us to finally give in and admit that we need love.

It can be difficult to understand why people act the way they do. I’ve been known to sit around with a house coffee and a couple girlfriends for hours trying to sleuth out reasons:

Why did she make that comment when she knows I’m so sensitive about that topic?

Why did he pull away just when I thought we were becoming closer?

Why does that person always reach out to us, but then flake out every single time?

Often, our actions don’t reflect our intentions and even if they do, misinterpretation runs rampant.

But wonderful things happen when we stop trying to understand the actions of others and instead try to understand our own actions.

As I became a larger fan of Hafiz and finally read his wonderful piece, With That Moon Language, I became more aware of my own attempts to win the love of others.

I thought that doing favors for others or listening to their problems would make them love me. I thought that if I put in a lot of hard work, it would prove my worth and they would surely love me. While I’m sure my efforts were appreciated, this wasn’t the right way to go about receiving love.

Love isn’t based on economics.

I thought that if I tested others, it would prove that they loved me. Many times, I’ve caught myself purposely starting fights or running away just to see who would hold on. I would do this just to see who would try a little bit more for me, showing that they needed me in their life.

But my loved ones never deserved this sort of mistrust or treatment.

I thought that by focusing on myself and becoming really good at something, that it would make others love me. I hoped that if I wrote the best short story in my creative writing class, or if I could prove myself to be the best employee, somebody would surely love me for it.

None of these things worked though.

I was secretly saying to every single person I met, “Love me. Please love me.”

But they didn’t, not for these reasons, at least.

The poem ends with Hafiz advising us: 

“Why not become the one
who lives with a full moon in each eye
that is always saying,

with that sweet moon
language,

what every other eye in this world
is dying to
hear.”

Everyone is asking the world to love them.

And it wasn’t until I stopped focusing on getting love, and instead started to guide my efforts toward giving love, that I found I wasn’t begging anymore.

I helped my loved ones without expectation of anything in return. I helped them purely because I loved them.

Then, I stopped testing my loved ones. It’s no way to treat people who have already proven they care, even if we haven’t accepted it yet.

Lastly, I stopped trying to impress people to win their love. I did things for the sheer enjoyment and to learn new skills.

It was only then, that I found my heart wasn’t screaming “Love me, love me!” anymore but rather it was screaming, “I love you, I love you!” to the world and everyone around.

~

Author: Tamara Schoenberger

Image: Flickr/J3SSL33

Editor: Ashleigh Hitchcock 

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Tamara Schoenberger