“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” ~ Rose Kennedy
When our hearts are broken, a profound realization of time awakens. Metaphysics teaches us that time does not really exist. Though ask anyone going through heartbreak, and they will disagree.
We become profoundly aware of its existence—how slow it is.
Our memory of specific events are burned into our minds with pinpoint accuracy—right down to the number of days, hours even. Suddenly, we have new “anniversaries,” but these are not celebratory. These mark the stages of the loss, when a disease was first identified in the relationship, the dates of decay, and, ultimately, the date of its death. If betrayal was involved, we could describe the moment we became aware of it in infinite detail.
We want to sleep a lot, wish that we would never wake up, and hold conversations in our heads. We blame our exes and blame ourselves. Regret may even come to visit—regret for the relationship, regret for staying so long, regret for putting up with more than we would ever advise a friend to tolerate, regret for things we said, and regret for things we didn’t say.
When we find sleep, our dreams may be worse than our waking moments.
Please hold on.
Know that we will survive this.
I cannot tell how long it will take to feel whole again.
Only that we will.
Use this time to heal.
And to honor the relationship for what it brought to us.
Through these four practices, we will begin to find our worth, our value, our truth.
We can learn to hold ourselves only with the eyes of love and not allow any internal conversations about criticizing ourselves. If one slips in, take a breath, simply let it go, and say, “I’m human. I did the best I could, given the tools I had at the time.”
Have a meltdown. It can be purifying, as long as we don’t unpack and live there. Let it out, all of it. Find a non-biased ear to help gain more clarity.
Celebrate the little things: the first time having a full meal, laughing, and getting a peaceful night of sleep.
Try to find a way to connect with others. The cast members of the brokenhearted are literally anyone we meet.
It is common to be self-focused as we try to survive what may be one of the most painful experiences we ever go through in our lives.
Everyone has a story, just as everyone has a first love. We just don’t wax nostalgic about heartbreak. One of the most healing things we can do for ourselves is to reach out to others. Listen to them, feel the compassion for other humans who also suffer.
Will we ever be the same? No. We will love our exes until we no longer do.
Will we love again? I cannot say.
Is our heart broken? Absolutely.
Will it survive? In time.
Author: Yolette Baca
Image: YouTube still
Apprentice Editor: Kate Fleming / Editor: Travis May