April 6, 2017

I said “Yes.” {Poem}

I said yes 

Yes to feeling everything—
Every blissful expansion and every excruciating contraction
This isn’t about being swingers, sex addicts, or tantric lovers
We are pioneers
Out exploring the full spectrum of intimacy
Living life on our own terms
Relating in uncharted waters
And co-creating a partnership
That fits the unique shape of our uncaged hearts

Yet, still—I regress
I find myself grasping, clenching, holding on tight
Somewhere beyond ideas of utopic free-love communities,
I am still just a girl surviving inside an animal body
Fighting biological instincts and outdated societal confines
I am not immune to pain, jealousy, or the threat of your beauty
I just choose to be bigger
Than that small version of myself
And, sometimes, as hard as I try—
I am not bigger
I’m terrified to open up this much.

But I said yes—
Yes to swimming out beyond what’s comfortable
Because I can’t bare the suffocating box of possession
I would rather go down in flames.
So we jump
Into the deep sea
To follow the flow
To trust the connection to it all.

I allow my wings to open
We individually reclaim our freedom
All the feelings we get to feel
When he and me
Are free to love
At the speed of love
As big and as many as our hearts desire.

I said yes—
Yes to embarking on this journey
With you too—sister and brother.
And when I say yes
To open my heart to include you
It’s an all-encompassing yes!

From the bright field of our expansive love
To the caves of our darkest shadows
Beware: the ocean here is deep
The bottom can’t be seen
Infinitely unknown, terrifying.

I yearn for you to feel the intensity of my vulnerability
I ache for empathy for all the work I’ve done to get here
I passionately desire for you to know how much this love means to me.

I don’t know a more raw, infantile, exposed version of myself
Than this version—
On my knees
As the tears rush over my entire body
At the shoreline of fear and excitement
Be gentle with my heart
This gift I am opening for you and me
The gift of we
A mirror image
Where worlds collide
And bodies meet
In breath, sound, touch, and sight
We find intimacy
I discover the entire universe.

The more I let go—
The deeper I see
Into me.

I said yes
Yes to more love
Yes to space
Yes to the mystery
Yes to share my most precious gift
All the tiny pieces of my throbbing heart
With you, and you, and you
Yes to you
Yes to we
Yes to me.

Author: Rachel Rickards 

Image: Freeparking/flickr

Editor: Lieselle Davidson

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