I am going to lay it down right here and admit that I am a giver.

A big giver, I give it all—and then some. It doesn’t matter if it is a romantic connection or a friendship, I give everything to the nth degree.

In the past, I did this to a point where I hardly knew who I was or what I wanted because I was too busy watching you to figure out what you would want of me. And why on earth would I do this? I was convinced that the more that I gave, the more that I created myself in the image of what others wanted, the less likely it was that they would leave.

This is rooted in a lack of self-confidence and worth, but the good news is that I figured out how detrimental this was to the best and most important relationship I will ever foster—the relationship with myself!

Sure, it took me a long time but I finally made my way there. Now I have found a healthy balance.

While I took it to an extreme, the truth is we all have some experience with giving up too much of ourselves for the sake of a relationship. But in a situation where the best relationships are a beautiful blend of give and take, where do you draw the line?

Here are six things to hold tight to in a relationship:

Independence:

It can be hard when we first meet someone to carve out time for ourselves and the life we had, and those in it, prior to meeting our new paramour. We are caught up in a flurry of hormones. However, hormones begin to settle down and it becomes less “together 24/7” and more “Where my girls at?” Our need for some solitude, a good book with a hot bath, and time alone to do as we see fit, is part of a good relationship.

Yourself:

Here is the deal: You are pretty stinking fabulous. All the glorious and unique characteristics that make you you are not things to compromise, ever. Relationships come and go, but you will always see your image reflected back at you in the mirror.

Let’s not forget that what captured their eye in the first place was the special sauce we add by simply being who we are, authentically. So, allow yourself to be introduced to different and new things/people/beliefs. Only integrate and adopt that which resonates with you.

Happiness:

If your relationship cuts you off from the things which make you happy, it’s time to pause and reconsider. What makes us happy lights us up from the inside out. It makes us shine brighter, and with that we attract positive, high vibe situations, people, and experiences. Life just flows better when we are happy, am I right? While we may not share every single interest of our partners, we should feel a secure enough connection to explore all that brings us joy.

Your Dreams and Aspirations:

Nothing is more awe-inspiring than someone who is pursuing their dreams. I watch my husband in the backyard building our patio which he designed and made entirely on his own and it instantly makes me fall deeper in love with him. Why? Because he is doing something that he is passionate about. He is learning and trying new things and all of that takes courage—something I find insanely attractive. And I am not the only one.

The day you give up what adds purpose and meaning to your life is the day your light dims. Not only does this change how others see you, it changes how you see yourself.

Your Faith:

My husband is an atheist and I am a mystic, and never once did I feel the need to change that to fit in with him. He has never attempted to make me see his perspective as truth. Instead, he tells everyone about my many “woo-woo” beliefs from a place of reverence and inspiration. He loves that I am dedicated to my spiritual side and I dig that he digs that.

Our faith is deeply personal and while we may view faith differently the more we are exposed to alternative views, we should only change or modify our spiritual beliefs because it’s what we want to do, not because we want our partner to love or accept us more.

Your Right to be Heard:

Your voice is your power. It is how you share your ideas with the world, advocate for something you believe in, and stand up for yourself when needed. Relationships should be breeding ground for greater security and confidence in our voice. We should feel safe exploring what we think and believe.

Your ideas are important—they are meant to be heard. Please, don’t stay quiet just to get someone to stick around.

Giving up who we are may seem like a surefire way to make someone love us or keep them around but, in truth, it disconnects us from what makes us worthy of love in the first place.

We are inherently and divinely deserving of love just the way we are. We are worthy of being seen for who we are and lusciously loved because of it. When we try to change ourselves or give up things which make us who we are we send the message that we are not worthy of love.

We not only send this message to others—we send it to ourselves.

It’s time to remind yourself just how worthy you are by accepting and loving yourself first!

 

Author: Laura Brown
Image: Aral Tasher/Unsplash
Editor: Lieselle Davidson