Stop trying.

Just stop it.

Stop being the you that you want the world to see you as.

Stop the best self selfies.

They aren’t for them.

They are for you.

And, you know the real you.

You know in your heart of deepest hearts

and the pit of pits in your core that—

you are more than the world can see.

You know you don’t even know how deep

your core goes—

and that scares you.

That scares you to the point of despair—

that despairs to even fathom how deep

and endless

the real you goes.

 

You know you can’t try to get there.

You know

the mirage of happy thoughts and buzzy fantasies,

of the desires you have for your

most refined self—

are a lie—

and that scares you.

It scares you so much you keep the facade up.

Social media posts and texts and fake laughs you didn’t conjure up—

they just appeared—from the outer edge of that place,

that place that scares you.

 

There isn’t a life coach or healer or psychic or parent or pet or best friend or lover

or a vacation—no, not even a place

that could take you to that place—

and that scares you.

And you know it.

Those people or places are but mirages—

mere Band-aids keeping you from it—

and yet they feel safe

because it

most certainly does not.

 

But something happens when you go to sleep.

Something deep.

And you wake up and you feel it

each morning—

that cavern of wisdom enveloping your body like a blanket made of swords—

but not the cutting kind.

They are shiny swords

and they reflect you perfectly—

showing you the Self

that you sensed was…

Wait…

 

And then you stop.

Time to drink coffee. Eat breakfast. Do yoga.

The phone rings.

Time to start work. Walk the dog. Run errands.

The to-do lists…

You get pulled away by the day.

 

But in the background,

a glimmer of a something—

like a spot in the corner of your eye—

that keeps you looking back at random moments.

 

When you go to bed, it looms like a shadow.

You undress, as if unwrapping its waif-like

arms from your wilted, paltry grip.

Something pulls you closer,

and it comes back—

more than just a flash of a dream this time.

 

You did nothing out of your normal routine,

but something inside succumbed to a momentary flash of—

well, something you can’t name.  

You sleep deeper than you’ve slept in a long time.

No dreams,

just the vast expanse of heavy, dark slumber.

 

Suddenly a text awakes you.

Unknown number.

No name.

Just words.

 

Remember me?

No need to find me.

No need to try so hard. 

I’m always here.

And guess what, so are you!

 

Wide-eyed stare. Shock.

Your logical mind says,

Who sent this?

Your heart already knows.

The questioning self—goes quiet.

It’s not about questions.

It’s not about trying.

There’s a knowing.

 

Something pulls you up.

Morning routine commences,

but something has shifted—

inside.

The daily tasks continue—

same routine—

with an inside shift.

You’re here.

You’re present.

No questions.

No escaping thoughts.

No fantasies.

 

You smile.

It was nothing to fear. It was here all along—

it is here now.

You smile and laugh to yourself

So simple.

You haven’t changed a bit—

you’ve just realized

that what you’ve sought

already is.

~

Author: Sarah Lamb
Image: Pixabay
Editor: Lieselle Davidson