I don’t know how to tell you this, but Mr. or Mrs. “Right” may not be coming.
There may not be a Prince Charming to your Cinderella or a Rapunzel to your Flynn Rider. Or, maybe they’re coming, but they’re not here yet. Whatever the case, we can’t just sit around and wait for someone else to make our dreams come true.
First of all, that’s not how dreams work. Dreams take effort—sometimes an exhaustive amount of effort, grit, and perseverance. Secondly, why the hell should we wait for anyone else to dive in and enjoy our lives?
There comes a time when we need to gift ourselves. We’re worth it, aren’t we? If we truly believe that we deserve love and happiness, or even romance, why would we wait around for it? Time is short, and YOLO, right? Actually, if we truly invest in our lives, we live more than once, because we live every single day. But, I digress.
Where was I? Ah, yes—the gift we deserve to give to ourselves—there’s not just one.
I love lists. You’re thinking I’m getting off track, that I’m losing the thread of what we’re talking about, but try to jump tracks for a minute to the train I’m on, because they’re all meeting on the same track together. That sounds like the course for a collision, and maybe these ideas do collide. Or, maybe this is a clusterf*ck and you’re just along for the ride.
But, we begin to reach our destination. I love lists, and there are many gifts we deserve to treat ourselves to while we’re living our beautiful lives on our own. Here are a few:
A sh*tload of self-esteem. We owe ourselves the gift of self-esteem. We need to find a way to be body-positive without society telling us we aren’t perfect. We need to find a way to feel beautiful without someone else telling us that it’s true. We need to learn to love ourselves and have confidence because it’s no one else’s job to do it for us.
A f*cking crazy amount of self-respect. Does this seem like the same thing to you? It’s not. We can love ourselves a whole lot and still accept less than we deserve. Perhaps that romantic interest is just so damn pretty that we have a hard time resisting. Maybe he/she is great in bed. Maybe we’re lonely, and we just want someone to cuddle up to at night. Or we’re bored and other people satisfy our need for excitement. Or we’re comfortable and prefer not to leave our rut. I get that—I get all of it.
But, we really need to give ourselves the gift of self-respect. We have to stop letting other people treat us like we don’t matter. We need to stand up for ourselves. No means no. Enough is enough. We need to dig deep and put self-esteem into practice as a gift to us, from us.
An abundance of joy. We need to gift ourselves an abundance of joy. We need to seize our happiness, to figure out what it is we love and go after it. What are the things that make our hearts happy? What are the things that lighten the load of whatever daily stress we experience? We can even peek into our past, deep into childhood, and see what activities brought us joy and use that for inspiration. We don’t have to wait for a significant other to have happy hearts. We need to give ourselves joy right now.
An impossible-seeming dream. See what I did just there? This dream you have? It seems impossible. It’s probably not. Do you want to go live on Jupiter? Yeah, that’s probably not going to happen. I could be wrong, but I don’t think I am. But what if your dream is an education and career? Or a baby? Or a life of travel and adventure? That dream you have in the deepest part of your being is your very essence, the exact reason you are here living this life. It’s what makes you tick and nourishes your soul.
It may seem out of reach, but small steps will get you there if you put in the time and energy. Give yourself this gift. We all need that dream that seems impossible, and we can give it to ourselves, rather than waiting for someone to hand it to us.
Delicious bites of romance. We need this. Oh, yes, we do! We need to give ourselves flowers and chocolates, to take ourselves out to the movies or to a wonderful dinner. We need to lie outside and watch the cloud formations pass overhead or count the stars. We need to wish on dandelions and shooting stars and birthday candles. We need fireworks that we give our own selves and sumptuous baths with glasses of wine and pretty candles. We don’t have to wait for this. It’s there for the taking (and for the giving—to us, from us).
Deep, and refreshing nature bathing. We don’t have to hold someone else’s hand to enjoy nature. We need to enjoy the sensory experience of being surrounded by nature. To visit gardens. To hike to waterfalls. To go on a scenic drive and stop for a picnic just to be surrounded by natural, living existence. This is a gift we can give ourselves right now.
Decadent, sensual, lush, touch. This doesn’t require Mr. or Mrs. Right. We all have needs and they may vary. Our bodies long for touch. We don’t have to wait. We can enjoy our own sexuality or simply indulge in a relaxing massage by a professional. Both of these options give us a type of touch that helps us explore the sensory experience of our bodies without a partner.
Who’s to say that “The One” isn’t just around the bend, waiting to give us everything we’ve ever wanted and more? Maybe this is the case. Or maybe by waiting for “The One,” we’re cheating ourselves out of the rich, full life experience we desire.
Maybe we should leave this waiting room and live every day of our lives fully until and beyond the day we meet “The One.” Maybe we should consider that we are “The One,” and we have value outside of our relationship status.
We are worthy and deserving of respect, love, and compassion.The truth is we can give ourselves all of these things without waiting for anyone else to show up on a white horse or with a glass slipper to make it happen.
Author: Crystal Jackson
Image: The Princess Bride/YouTube
Editor: Lieselle Davidson
Copy Editor: Emily Bartran
Social Editor: Sara Karpanen