We grow up dreaming of being special.
We may not admit it, but many of us are taught from the time we are young, that we’re special.
It may be the “star basketball player dream,” where we aspire to make that one shot that makes the crowd go wild. Or, the “Homecoming Queen” (oh how the boys will love me). Or my favorite, that moment you look into someone’s eyes and your heart skips a beat—your breath is taken away. You know, that moment, when everything feels like it moves in slow-motion and you are left speechless, with eyes glazed over.
If you are like me, you may have had a few of these “special” dreams. Mine started in second grade, wearing my boyfriend’s leather jacket on the playground, holding hands…to the first kiss on a couch watching the end of the movie, “Pretty Woman,” hearing the song, “It Must Have Been Love.”
I should have listened at that point. The next line says it all, “But it’s over now. Must have been good, but I lost it somehow.”
We love those moments of “specialness”—when the rest of the world falls away and we have all the attention on us. We seek it. We yearn for it.
However, where there is hot and heavy passion, you’d better watch out! What could be coming next is a wrecking ball. It’s physics. What goes up must come down.
And, it’s a beautiful wrecking ball. The tears. The heartache. A human being can feel so much, and that is part of the experience to be had while we are here. I believe that in those moments, words aren’t enough and we’re deeply enveloped in love; we are experiencing truth. We are experiencing unconditional love.
Alison Napi wrote it well: “If she touches you and the wind goes silent, if you feel you are in a snow globe when you embrace her, she is your destroyer…she will destroy the false idol you see in the mirror.”
But, what I’ve also discovered is that God is a jealous God.
And, until we are wide open for God to live through us, we will enter prison after prison after prison. Whether it be a relationship, or a job, or being a mom. We may experience suffering hidden under a life of success, suppressed by a smile and drinks every night after work, but deep down, we know there must be something more…
What if those moments, in which we feel so deeply loved and so wide open and free, are truth? Those moments, overflowing with unconditional love manifesting in form, are God reaching out through the arms or lips of another.
What destroys that feeling is when we try to contain it. When we try hold on to it. When we think its coming from this one person, or this one job, or this one event.
In the moment, when we start to feel the sticky quality coming up of “I need this,” we could ask God to help us see the moment differently. If we aren’t willing to ask that question, we may stay lost in a whirlwind of suffering, because life is about comings and goings.
Death of the body is a part of life on earth. Death of any relationship with a person, a job, or event, is the the way God is calling us to let go. Asking us to let go of our grip. Asking us to open wide.
We must undo our hidden neediness, the ego’s blackness, and come to know ourselves.
Jesus said, “If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
What does that mean?
It means we are living a lie, a falseness, until we are willing to dig deep. Sometimes that means falling flat on our face in tears in order wake up! It means the personality self is not your true self. It means your husband or wife or lover doesn’t complete you.
There is a vastness beneath it all, a radiant light that wants to create. It wants to “live you” with every breath you breathe and every word you speak. We cannot find it in our partners or friends. We have to go into the depth of our own souls.
When we stop blaming others, stop looking to others for happiness, we start to awaken. We are pure creativity when we get the ego out of the way. The heart knows what it wants; it knows the way.
Become vulnerable. Become honest. Open up. Share what you really feel with your partner or friend. Go outside of what’s comfortable. With every layer you shed, with every truth you share, you become more real. And, the more vulnerability is being uncovered, the freer you feel. You have freed up life to move, to start to show yourself a whole new world, a whole new way of being.
You are love and love cannot be hindered.
“The ego loves form, for it believes form can give it the safety it needs while it tries to survive in its fears, secretly hoping the form will supply the missing content. Do you see? This is why the ego can become so vicious when relationship fails. So much anger and damage done, often for years! And why? All because the ego has a secret agenda—to make another a source of what can only be awakened to within oneself—failed. This failure is projected as a fault of the other, is it not? If we cannot or will not give our beloved absolute freedom in all things at every moment, it is not love we are experiencing, it is selfish greed. We essentially have them in our life to feed off them.” ~ Cosmic Chocolate Orgasm
So what are you waiting for? Are you ready to awaken from every last trace of fakeness and open for the divine to birth through you?
Where are you not being honest with yourself?
In relationships true feelings aren’t shared because of fear. If you cannot love yourself enough to tell the truth of how you feel and have patience enough to listen, what makes you believe you can love another?
So ask the question again, “What do I truly want?” Watch how answers show up through feelings, or images, or intuition.
Breathe with it, sit with it. Build desire to know the truth around your question.
Will you trust what comes?
Author: Lauren Lewey
Editor: Lieselle Davidson
Social Editor: Nicole Cameron
Copy Editor: Travis May