I feel like I’m on the brink of some awesome change. But it’s not a comfortable feeling…It feels like I’m standing on the edge overlooking a huge expanse that I’ve never seen before. It’s breathtaking, mind numbing, awe-inspiring, and downright scary, if I’m being honest. But I’ve faced quite a few scary things in life these past couple of years, so it’s not like I’m too scared to take the next step. I’m actually very anxious. I just don’t know how to take the next step. My aching question is, what has life been preparing me for? I want to know. I’m impatient to know, but that’s where life has me. A lesson in patience is always given when you’re the least apt for it.
I feel like an empty vessel, in a sense. Everything that was “me” has been poured out and left for the wind to scatter, or the river to dissolve into the eventual sea of change. It’s this sea of change that I am witnessing before my very eyes, and I no longer know who “I” am, or where I am going (like I ever really knew). The forks in the road have led me to unexpected places and experiences I never knew I would have. I have been broken down to my smallest parts and left to fend for my broken self in unknown territory beneath the night sky. I’ve had to find my way and discover a new sense of direction. In some ways it has been like discovering and exercising a sixth sense.
I always hear about people discovering their passions and finding their own way in life that isn’t bound by obligation, but rather fueled by an inherent desire that is followed by personal fulfillment and satisfaction. But these stories of people breaking free of a 9-5:00, doing what they love, and making money all the while, seem like a fantasy that only other people experience. But I believe in miracles and you should too. We are creators, dreamers, philosophers, artists, visionaries, poets, dancers… We hold the unique flame in our hands that is ours and ours alone and it is our responsibility to tend to that flame, lest it be snuffed out.
I am eager to tend to my flame within me, to let in burn and create the change that is needed. To make my landscape ready for intentional cultivation, rather than random succession. To prepare a clear path in place of the weeds that have grown up over my soul’s eyes so that I may know how and where to take my next step.
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