October 25, 2019

Find your way Home to your True Self: How we Lose our Light in the Messiness of Life.

There’s a tapestry we weave as we travel our life path.

It begins as an empty loom, but soon form starts to take shape. As we grow, we pull in different colored threads of experience.

Many scenes are woven into our tapestries—heartbreak and shame, joy and laughter, sadness and loss, achievement and failure—and yet we prevail. We weave the colors of our lives through our own personal journey.

Each one of us is given these threads to turn our growth and experience into the masterpiece that is us. Although we all have materials to work with—light, sound, color, taste, touch, smell, intellect, talent, hearing, sight, texture, and context—every tapestry will be unique to the weaver.

We sometimes forget that beauty lies in the moment and experience. Pain and suffering we often judge as bad when, in fact, they lead us to the one thing we are searching for all along, which is our authentic selves.

In every moment, we can choose to evolve and emerge stronger. Whatever the experience, there is a gift in the suffering, and beautiful things are birthed from it. Gratitude and presence help.

As we begin weaving our tapestry as children, we are vibrant and joyful. We are full of color and wonder.

Slowly, over time, this shifts to limitation and judgment.

School requires us to color in the lines and confines us in neat little boxes and paradigms. Religion and culture start to mold us like clay that can feel uncomfortable and stifling.

We can choose how we feel about everything, but sometimes we aren’t given all the facts or knowledge to make an informed choice. We slowly dim our light and weave in the muted colors of conformity. We adapt and wear masks to fit in and run with the collective.

Standing out and being our true selves is discouraged. We start to feel uncomfortable and begin suppressing our true selves. There’s a knowing that we should meet the expectations of our families and friends, because that’s what people do.

It doesn’t occur to us that we should be who we are meant to be. All our lives, people tell us through words and action who they expect us to be. Seeds of fear are planted of not being loved, or our belief that we aren’t enough might be confirmed.

Much as we try to align with the expectation of others, our true nature starts to seep out. We explore and question who we are in the teen years and 20s and wonder why we can’t be authentic.

This can be a time of great inner struggle for teens who want to express themselves sexually or artistically. Everyone is watching and judging, and the unspoken expectations weigh heavy on our soul.

Soon, we are weaving in darker tones and our light and spirit are dimmed. Some of us are masters at blending and fitting in, but we never take the time to ask why. Discernment and questions are discouraged.

It is here, in this “fitting in” space, that our inner critic becomes razor sharp. Our ego starts to take hold and analyze and criticize and hold us in what we perceive to be a safe space. Our perception of negative choices and our inner thoughts starts to stain our beautiful tapestry.

We have forgotten that there are no wrong turns in life, that every experience is leading to the next point which leads to the next point and we ultimately reach our destination. For some of us, the road has taken us through rough terrain, brought us to our knees emotionally, financially, and physically, but still we continue to weave and grow. The adversity is fierce.

It is in the darkest spaces that we become our harshest critics. The wounds are deep and feel like we are being filleted on the inside by a sharp knife. We should be kinder to ourselves, but it seems we don’t know how.

These are the moments the loom stops, the threads suspended midair, while we ask ourselves what’s next, what direction should I go, and, most important, who am I? These radical experiences that rock us hard force us to stop and feel something. Get quiet and align with the heart; our heart will always navigate a path out of the darkness—it is the compass we must follow.

At the end of our life, when we take that last breath, there, laid before us, will be the completed tapestry. We will travel to a space where we can examine each thread and connection, each decision and outcome that was made. The colors will be beautifully woven into the complete fabric of our lives, and only then will it all make sense.

We will know that it all happened exactly as it was meant to be, there were no mistakes or wrong turns, only our beautiful selves trying to find our way back home.

Honor the journey and know that all is as it should be.

You were always whole and complete, never broken.

It was all an illusion to allow you to find your way back to the most vibrant and beautiful being you truly are.

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