January 9, 2020

I Want a Pancake Kind of Love.

It’s okay to want someone—and it’s okay to admit it.

I know you think that real inner work can only be done alone. Your autonomy is priceless and so is your power. Wanting someone might seem powerless, dependent, degrading.

I’d like you to know that no one can take your power away from you—unless you let them. And though you may not believe it, half of our inner work is done with someone. It’s not true that we can only truly love ourselves when we’re on our own.

We can also love ourselves with someone. Oftentimes, we need others to shed light on our unloved and gloomy parts. Their love for us strengthens the love we have toward ourselves.

Let them in. You want someone to love you as you are, yet inspire you to become the best version of yourself. They won’t change you; they’ll motivate you.

You want someone to listen to your deepest fears and worries, and validate them. You want them to assure you that it’s okay to get in touch with your most profound emotions. It’s okay to be whomever you feel like being right now.

And that someone won’t ask for more than you can give. They know your weaknesses, but they won’t use them against you. They also see your insecurities, but hey, they have a couple as well. You want someone who’s willing to work on them—not brush them away.

You want someone who creates time for you. Even if it’s only for five minutes after a long, busy day, they see you. They see your existence and the magic that has joined you together.

You want someone who makes pancakes for you—and maybe unhealthy ones, too. It’s okay to treat yourself to bad food for one day, and that someone wholeheartedly agrees. They won’t pressure you into constant perfectionism. They’ll actually laugh it away with you.

You’ll have conflicts, fights, debates, arguments—and it’s okay. You want someone to know this. You want them to know that a partnership can’t thrive without a few bumps on the way. You may cry in front of each other only if you wipe each other’s tears at the end. You may give space to each other only if you meet in its middle again.

You want someone to forgive you and they want you to forgive them, too. Mistakes don’t matter; what matters is the lessons we learn from them.

I’d love you to know that it’s perfectly normal to want someone to choose you. With a world of endless possibilities, choosing one person may not be that bad after all.

You want someone to tuck away their past so they wouldn’t reflect it onto you. You’re your own person; you’re special. You’re the present and the future—but you’re not someone else’s past.

I know you want someone to talk to you and give you the attention you deserve. We all want to be heard, and, once we are, we feel like we own the world.

Material gifts don’t matter to you—I’m sure. The most precious gift you need is someone’s presence and recognition. Most of all, you want someone to understand you. Understand your emotions, your heartfelt thoughts, desires, and ambitions. You want someone to believe in them and impel you to achieve them.

You want love, not the idea of it. You want actions, not words.

You want someone to want you. You want to be seen and appreciated. Respected and adored. That someone also wants you to want them. They want to be treated in the same amazing way they treat you.

That someone wants to find you.

And they will.

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