April 9, 2020

Dear Lover, I am ready to Give Myself to You.

It is Spring now, Autumn lover. I cannot help but feel the newness around me—life and growth.

I realize that I have quietly over-wintered our love. But, now, I can feel myself opening and craving for you to come into my depths. I am ready to give myself without hesitation.

Historically, it’s not in my nature to truly surrender to someone. It certainly has not been in my nature to love passionately without an agenda.

I gift you my vulnerability and unconditional love, but there is no pressure to reciprocate. The love I offer up is otherworldly. I’m willing to be shattered and transformed by love. Surrender is my path, and I am learning to release without expectation.

In that brokenness, one can find beautiful pieces of themself that would’ve gone unnoticed.

I only ask you to show me your pain and your sadness. Bare your darkness. Unleash your fears. Unveil the hidden depths. I will neither shrink nor wither. I am accustomed to these waves of feeling. This ocean is my territory. I make friends with all kinds of hideous demons lurking in these uncharted waters.

Exposing your feelings does not make you lesser. It does not make you less worthy of my worship and honor. I am a woman; I nurture and care. I hold that which is sacred deep in my chalice—my womb.

All feelings are sacred. I ask you to unearth and release all the distorted, breathtaking, ugly, heavenly, nightmarish, beautiful, and hellish things churning within you.

I find security in your rawness and honesty. I find sweetness in my own raw truth.

This dance is Shiva and Shakti, yin and yang, pain and pleasure, light and dark, destroyer and creator. I want to worship you.

I see your divinity—you are a god. I know you. I see the dark corners of your being—you are human.

I will not rush you or make demands. I am happy to just be.

And then, once you clear out the hidden, chaotic parts, there will be room for me to nestle up into your soul.

Even if you didn’t choose healing and growth, my love for you wouldn’t falter. I’ll always be here—in the pain, in the acceptance, and in the heart-wrenching awareness that we may never love one another in the traditional sense.

Perhaps you are teaching me to nestle up into my own soul, for my own healing and growth. Writing to you is akin to writing to my self. I will always aspire to love me as much as I love you.

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