May 7, 2020

8 Mantras for the Days when we’re just Not Okay.


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There are days when you wake up and you don’t feel like doing anything.

Nothing makes you happy and you just don’t know the reason behind feeling like this.

I’ve experienced days like these—even a series of them in my life. I remember a saying that I saw in a movie: “All is well.” I tried to convince myself that I felt that way. I tried to do as other people said and “fake it ’til you make it,” but no matter what, I kept feeling exactly the opposite. All was not well.

Why can’t we say this? Why can’t we allow that all is not well, and allow that to be okay?

I wonder, too, what we have to make? What are we so desperate to make that we have to be fake? And is it, then, really making it in the end, or just a false achievement to show the world something that the world wanted to see? Do we even want it for ourselves? No.

We live in an image-focused time of projection, where social validation has become necessary and of utmost importance.

But, what good will image do when, in reality, we are not really okay? When we keep forcing the happiness that we do not even feel, or the smile that we are trying to put on throughout our day?

We don’t have to put up with this.

I used to always have this fake smile on my face. Whenever it was absent, people would come and ask me if everything was okay, if I was alright, if something was wrong. As soon as I put that smile back on, all those questions disappeared.

For years, I carried the burden of feeling as if I always had to be perfect. I needed to avoid mistakes in my life, to sideline what I wanted to do (my passion—that thing which I felt in my heart of hearts was best for me) to do what I was told to do, as it was the right thing to do from someone else’s perspective.

No matter what I did, I was never enough. Not enough for someone else; not enough for myself.

But why not do what we want to do and be judged if we will be judged anyway when doing what we think others will approve of?

As long as we perceive a person from a distance, everything will look perfect, but as we approach more closely and have a better look, the flaws become visible.

When I met my husband, he too was imperfect from many perspectives. But you know what he was? He was absolutely happy, free, and had no regrets about the many mistakes he had made in his life. It was a pretty nice picture from a distance. I was intrigued and decided I needed to learn why he was so much freer than I. Upon that closer look, I discovered that it was because he was okay not to be okay. He was okay to feel the pain, he was okay to be angry, he was okay to be who he is.

People are imperfect. We struggle. The individuals who wind up being the happiest aren’t the ones who don’t struggle; they’re the ones who realize it’s okay to be just where they are. They are the ones who realize it is okay to not be okay.

When I decided that I too would be like my husband and be okay with not being okay, I lost many friends and relationships. I was okay with that, also. And after some time, those people came back to me asking for advise about real happiness. They complained about the things they felt from society that I had felt had been imposed upon me. They felt judged. They felt they had to put on a fake, smiley face. They felt always pressured to be the person that society expected them to be.

It takes courage to put away the nonsense and bullsh*t we’ve been carrying around. It takes strength to let some relationships and friendships fall away. As a tree grows, old leaves fall away and new leaves grow. This is nature. This is a sign of growth when old damaging relationships fall away—even the relationships with certain parts of ourselves. It is only as we shed these relationships that we are able to form new relationships that are nurturing and meaningful.

Finding our own sense of self and real happiness is not easy. But once we find that, it’s worth it.

Now, don’t say anymore that “all is well” and simply go with the crowd. Say these things, instead:

>> It’s okay to make mistakes.
>> It’s okay to have bad days.
>> It’s okay to not be perfect.
>> It’s okay to feel weak.
>> It’s okay to say no.
>> It’s okay to do whats best for you.
>> It’s okay to find yourself.

And even more important:

It’s okay to ask for help.


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