Goodmorning. So yesterday was my first official day going swimming, and going under the water. For me it felt kind of late in the year. I have missed two summers at the river though… One year I lived in Florida for the summer, and one year I lived in “The City,” with no vehicle for a bit and even when I had it, I was saving money and so forth.
I kept looking back at the shoreline as I stood in the water waiting for something, and feeling like I was missing something… What I was missing was my little baby Balto! Though nine when he passed, always and forever my baby.
He wasn’t a dog that enjoyed swimming that much, but he loved being wherever I was…so I would often swim off the little island of rocks, and he would follow me down the river current along the shoreline, and I would lunge, or swim back up to him. That is, if he wasn’t on the tye-dye boogie-board I got in Virginia that was predominately his. It was used so Balto could participate in water activities and he actually did enjoy it.
The realization that the major pang of loss this specific time was Balto, ignited many other emotions, and took my breath away.
I regained the ability to breathe, the water was perfect to me, loss had done this to me, not the cold.
As I filled up my entirety, with so many feelings, love, loss, longing, I enveloped the feeling of the River, my safe haven, my place of happiness, and I went under; later than desired, but oh so happy to be there.
Our routine has started again, and I couldn’t be happier.
Last night I let go some more… of a few other things, and the sadness persists, but the river has the ability to wash it all away. That is why it’s called river medicine.
My feet long to touch those rocks. My body longed to be in the waters essence.
Who am I to deny my being of such love the river gives? Holding me comfortably in its arms, allowing me to find comfort in its lush and rocky bed of Earth.
I couldn’t be happier…almost, but the river makes it okay.
After my experience there yesterday, I went with a friend to see German Shepard puppies on a farm and oh my goodness! Heaven on Earth happened again, with all of this cyclic magic. It brings me back to when our Zuesy Zuse was young. Our family German Shepard. We had him for 14 years. We quite literally grew up together. We have always had dogs.
This is the longest I’ve gone in my life without a dog. I am truly blessed to have had them in my life. When the time is right, another one will enter my life.
We finished off the day with listening to some good tunes, music therapy so to speak as my Father would call it, as well as many others.
I truly love summer and I awaken inside each day, and hold my arms open for the approaching season.
For we are always becoming.
Part of the Earth we are, and parts of the Earth we’ve been. Kin, foe, friend.
We are all Earth’s Children.
I awoke this morning with my fuzzy pillow against my chest and a slight smile, and I (thinking rather slowly), as I was just awakening; slowly enough to figure out why I would find comfort in said pillow beyond warmth and texture. Well, Balto used to sleep curled up right next to my chest often, right there intertwined with my heart. Our hearts and beings entangled with one another, this little being who was only four weeks old when I adopted him, or rather he adopted me. Protecting each other.
I’m convinced he was here visiting with me last night in my dreams, and sleeping in Mummy’s bed one last time.
My angel, I would call him, for he literally was, and now he literally is.
Rest in Peace my love.
Forever and always with Mumma.