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May 11, 2020

Self Confidence – Trusting yourself

What does self confidence mean to you?

It is something I have thought about over the last week when it came to myself. It is hard to put an exact definition on the term.

The programming of this society leads us to believe it is the comparison to others that should provide us with some sort of self-esteem, this comparative behaviour is damaging to the self. Where someone else is at in life is because their journey is different, and I compare myself to others in a superior and inferior complex, both of which is just food for the ego.

For me true self confidence is acceptance of who you are, being true to yourself, self-assurance in your abilities, perspective, and sufficiency. I find myself at times comparing myself to others in a superior and inferior complex, both of which just trigger the ego in many negative ways.

But what does that mean?

It means having trust in yourself when it comes to your daily decision making, not seeking validation from anyone for it, but having the belief in what you are doing today will come to benefit you as the days, months and years go by.

The Etymology of the word ‘confidence’ originates from the Latin phrase ‘confidere’, which means to ‘have full trust’.

To have complete trust in myself and my sufficiency is something I am still learning. Through my teenage years I had low self-esteem, lacked self-discipline and constantly felt sorry for myself, although now I am on a journey of building a lifestyle for myself which I own and favour, old programming resurfaces and brings me down, therefore re-evaluating the approach to life is something I find helps and would recommend.

But one thing I find time and time again to help me is trusting my decision making. This has helped me build habits in areas I want to develop myself such as my character, my physical body, my mental fortitude, and my emotional attributes. The journey is always ongoing.

My Fear of Failure

‘Fail quickly, start again’. Which means instead of trying the same method that gives no results or outcome in your favour, stop, and try another way.

Hearing those words provided a shift in my thinking and approach to what I do. I had this arrogance internally built up of trying to figure out everything myself, figure it all out in my head.

Some days I have no willpower or energy to do anything and its because of that dread or fear. For example, when it comes to my writing, I wish that I were at the level of mastery with it instantly. It is a foolish belief, but it can happen when there is too much hope. This leads to getting lost in your vision, therefore leading to no action.

I learnt this week for myself, all these questions that are internally built up have been answered by someone who has figured it out. So at any moment those questions surfaced I took the opportunity to keep learning, through reading or listening to podcasts or lectures by the experts.

For example, recently I am enjoying lectures by a successful entrepreneur Eben Pagan on success and approach to learning, which I found to massively benefit my thinking. I was hitting at the same wall when it came to my daily habits, my days were becoming boring, just doing what I felt like at any given moment. However, what I learnt from him is when you don’t know something learn from the experts, something I already knew but the way he showcased that appliance to his own life was a lightbulb moment for me. Mastery takes years to build, but it is those daily everyday habitual decisions that will get me there.

But it is this re – evaluation of myself and especially my character that allows me to come to a realisation and move forward. Every morning I make the intentions on what I want to do, which trait I want to develop.

Recently I want to develop my willpower, not giving in to instant gratification, getting tasks done regardless of a change of heart, I want to be at a point where my focus is as sharp as the samurai’s sword. This comes with time and focus. Something I have come to accept and has been humbling.

Maximus Decimus Meridius

 A man of truth, discipline, willpower, strength, spirituality, and self-confidence. An individual who was centred and aligned.

I absolutely love the film ‘gladiator’, it has become a household favourite, one myself and my family re visit. Characters leave an impression on us. Which characters are self-confident that you look up to?

Maximus stands out as a character of true self confidence, because regardless of what happened to him, the death of his family, from being one of the top generals of Rome to a slave of the coliseum, he trusted himself above all. His ability to preserve and continue his truth showcased mental fortitude, his humility to not treat himself as superior nor inferior with anyone he interacted with represented the man he was. He embraced death, thus any moment was his to capitalise.

When Commodus first meets him in the coliseum, he refuses to bow to another man, although in the ranks of hierarchy he holds more power. He holds his ground, even though he knows he could face death.

Now our lives are not as drastic as Maximus’s, but the lessons to be taken are from his character.

Your character is something that requires constant sculpting but will help to build and shape the individual you want to be.

Now is the time to act


  • Focus

 Plan your next move, know the end objective, know what is required to complete the task and execute.


  • Accountability

 Complete the decision, regardless of a change of heart, hold yourself accountable, the only person who you need to be better than is than the one you were yesterday.


  • “Don’t explain your philosophy, embody it” – Epictetus

 Less talking, more doing, now is a time to act, make decisions for yourself, relentlessly take the next step.

Be like the magician with clear vision synergised with the warrior with immaculate execution

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