June 18, 2020

Why & How to build a Soul-Home.

How are you feeling about your life after lockdown, and how do you want to live it in this new normal?

Just 12 days before lockdown began, I upped sticks and moved my whole life to Ibiza. After 14 years in London, two burnouts, and a whole heap of stress, I was living a life I really didn’t want to be living anymore.

I was tired and yearning for something more: more meaningful, more balanced, and more fulfilling.

So I quit my job, packed my belongings, and moved to the magical island that has always had my heart. Eight weeks in total lockdown here have given me a chance to rest and reevaluate.

Now that I’d started fresh, I had an opportunity to carve out the life I truly wanted. To work with who I want to, spend time with who I want to, fulfill my heart’s desires, and live my life in line with my values of freedom, balance, and love.

“So. Let’s do this,” I told myself.

However, my people-pleasing tendencies have always been a challenge for me. I say yes to things I don’t want to do, regretting it as soon as the words “I’d love to” come out of my mouth. And what did I end up with? A jam-packed diary, and spending too much money on things I didn’t need, food I didn’t want to eat, and a lot of alcohol that I didn’t want to consume. I was doing what I thought I should be doing and rarely doing what I truly wanted to do.

Now I have a choice ahead of me: to create a very similar life out here as the one I’d left behind in London, or to be bold and courageous and choose me. My life, my dreams, my health, my happiness, and my soul.

Everyone talks about “self-love,” but I think few really understand it beyond “taking a break,” beyond meditating, long baths, and “me” time. In reality, it’s far more than that. It’s establishing boundaries. Putting your foot down. Speaking your truth and saying no to absolutely everything that doesn’t feel right or align with you and what you stand for. And, most importantly, not feeling bad about it.

Obviously, I don’t mean be an arsehole! My favourite saying is, “take no sh*t but do no harm.” By this, I mean respecting yourself wholeheartedly. Sounds easy, but why do so many of us end up doing things we don’t want to do, eating things we wish we hadn’t, and wasting time doing things that don’t nourish us?

This was me—back in London, and even now, after moving to Ibiza to escape it.

So, this is my time to brush away all those fears and unapologetically forge the life I want and know I deserve. But how?

An example:

I’m now busy starting up my business and beavering away to make it work so that my personal goal and dream of “Casa Tiffiny” can become a reality soon. Casa Tiffiny will be a lovely home on the island with an annex for my mother who has been my rock, and to whom I want to give a better life.

As well, it will be a place for all my lovely friends, old and new, to come. A place to play, talk for hours, eat, listen to music, and raise our levels of joy and consciousness. A place to live and work and to invite my clients to come and work with me. A safe and happy place that is home for me and my soul brothers and sisters—people who make my heart sing. You know the ones: you come away from them feeling brighter, inspired, and more in love with life. The ones who talk about the universe and what part we play in it. The people who know why they are here.

And then it dawned on me.

I am Casa Tiffiny. Casa Tiffiny is not just bricks and mortar. It is me. It is my heart, my body, my energy, and my state of mind. Why have I let people into my life that I wouldn’t let into my home? And why am I doing things that don’t make my heart sing?

I read a wonderful quote recently that said: “If it doesn’t bring you income, inspiration, or orgasms, it doesn’t belong to your life.”

I always felt bad saying no to people. However, what this really boiled down to was that I was not respecting myself. I thought I was being kind and putting others first. But honestly, the best thing you can do is say yes to yourself, and to make yourself shine. Because what you will give back to people is a lesson in how to respect themselves, which will in turn raise their vibration just by being in your company.

I gave this as a reason for turning down an invitation recently and the response I got, word for word, was, “That is amazing, and I have the utmost respect for you for doing it. I want to work on this myself too.” So don’t feel bad! Be bold and live the life you want to, unapologetically.

From now on, I treat myself as I would my home.

I pledge to myself to not let anything into my body, my mind, or my life that doesn’t fill me with the same joy that I know Casa Tiffiny will bring to me and those I love. This is saying no when you don’t really want one more drink, saying no to dinner plans when you are tired and have an important day the next day. And a massive no to situations that drain your energy and stop you from shining.

Give up on the “should,” and do what you love—and do it with love. Stop comparing yourself to others: it’s not a race and it’s not a competition. You do you and let others do them! You will be so amazingly good at it, I promise!

So I invite you to respect yourself and say no to what you don’t want and a big yes to what you do. You deserve it and so do I. And you will see the magic start to happen in your life and soul.

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