July 11, 2020

5 Reasons Toxic Relationships can be a Healthy Choice.


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We can take back our power from our shame by knowing the Goddess-given truth.

The initiatory power of toxic and abusive relationships is not a reason to stay in them. Our power is in getting out, coming home to and healing ourselves, and then not entertaining the next unhealthy relationship or another toxic round with the same one. It’s evolution or not at all.

Toxic relationships are dangerous. And it is a common tendency, wrapped up in the reason we got into them in the first place, to take over-responsibility and believe somewhere deep within that it is all we deserve whilst we freeze in a gas-lighted haze and delude ourselves into thinking that if only we can (insert your personal form of the kryptonite here) then we can change the ending to our love story.

We won’t. But we can write a new one in a better way if we choose alchemy instead. Be aware, be vigilant.

And come the f*ck home.

Need to know more about why this nightmare is a heavenly portal? Here are five reasons:

1. We’ve decided to evolve.

That’s why we’ve stopped messing around and getting bored with supposed “nice” guy mirages in the never-ending desert who hide behind so much feigned “feminist” reverence that even they don’t know who they are or why they’re so damn resentful underneath (they’ve yet to do their shadow work too). In fact, they are so hateful of the same feminine they seem to bend backward for, a more dangerous front for everything that’s real and dark and deep than the out there a**holes.

No, the toxic ones yet to evolve aren’t it either, but at least we know where we “stand” with them, except when we’re gaslighted into oblivion, of course. Both are unevolved, just like us on our newly found path of evolution. But they are an upgrade. We’re not doing something wrong, but we do need to act. Now, we need to upgrade with (and far beyond) them, unless they evolve too.

2. We’re finally ready to meet our shadow.

This is finally where sh*t gets real. And, my love, that’s why we’ve chosen the path of shadow relationships. We don’t know it yet, but our soul does. And our soul knows that our shadow is where our fullness is. It’s not here to f*ck around in bypassing bullshit, and the love and light, half-lived life. We need to listen to the tone in our voice. Is it coming from our body, our womb?

3. We’re looking for medicine.

Poison and medicine are two sides of the same coin. We know deep down beyond “knowing” that the only way we’re going to find the medicine is by tasting and getting sick from the goddamn poison. So sick, that we purge up all the toxicity that ever graced our being. Yes, inconceivable now, but we can be grateful for this when we’ve got what we came here for, and when we break the chains of dependence and leave this far behind. Then we can learn to command our magic so that we become the medicine we seek.

4. We’re tired of our old identity.

This identity may be one we didn’t necessarily or consciously choose. The oh-so-pleasant pleaser, the “good” or the cool girl, the martyr, the patriarchy-enforced and supported, disconnected from her power, lacking a voice, autonomy, and boundaries, beautifully loving yet not embodied, and compliant princess, the kind of siren whose sexuality is only for out there, the ancient poster campaign of the well-behaving dutiful wife. And so, we’ve chosen a toxic relationship to smash the whole damn lot to pieces in one or several full swoops and break the enchanting, intoxicating spell. Something or someone had to do it. Well played.

5. We’ve finally chosen to heal the entire lineage of women before (and after) us.

We do this by getting so deep into the murkiness of the shadow realm that there’s no way we’re coming out alive unless we eat our shame for breakfast, face the fear of death, and let the ocean of grief and sadness that’s been not-so-patiently waiting to be unleashed within us become a fricking tidal wave so powerful that it washes every conditioning, outdated contract, and constriction of trauma out of our locked up system.

In my time spent in hell, I’ve left no stone unturned.

Because when we’re in the sh*t so deep that we’ve lost everything we believed in, everything we thought we were, and almost everyone who claimed to care about us who has now decided it’s too uncomfortable or not convenient (and quite understandably do not understand what the hell is happening) to be with us whilst we’re on this path, we may as well love the hell out of it.


Because no one is coming to save us. Because the dark has now caught up and we finally have enough resources underneath to make it through it all (we do have that) and there’s no longer an escape from embodied empowerment and freedom.

This is no joke. We need to know how to turn the sh*t to gold. And fast. Because some don’t get out of the initiations alive, or sane. If we get out, it is our responsibility to get others out, not through saving or martyrdom—because that’s actually and completely impossible—but through serving, through being, through sharing our now-embodied light that isn’t just going to burn without the deeper sustenance to keep it aflame.

It’s not the only way to evolve, but we’ve chosen it, so it’s ours.

If you’re ready to choose alchemy, come home to yourself, and embody your true power, see the links in my author’s profile. I would like to share my light to light your path.



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