July 30, 2020

Embrace the Good & the Ugly of this Thing Called Life.


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Exhausted, I lay down on my bed today, looked up at my beige ceiling, and took a deep inhale.

“What a ride this has been,” I thought.

My life, as all lives are, is messy. There are tears, traumas, and pains of longing so deep that I can’t hold my breath long enough to reach them.

No matter what, though, I have gratitude for both the good and the ugly. Some days I wish the ugly didn’t exist, but then I wouldn’t be human.

When I think about the great writers, like Sylvia Plath and Albert Camus, I see the beauty in their pain as they explore existentialism. Their work highlights that without the dark, there wouldn’t be light, and even in the dark, there is beauty.

I may cry often and struggle at times with the weight of my life, but each morning, I still stand in front of my mirror like superwoman and whisper, “You got this.”

Have I had my heart broken? Yes.

Have I smeared mascara on every pillow I owned, prayed at the age of 28 that I’d be adopted, and questioned what’s my purpose here on earth? Most definitely.

Am I okay? Some days not.

Will this pass? Yes, yes it will.

If you’ve ever struggled, which I’m sure all of you have, you know that if you ride the wave long enough, you’ll make it out the other end. It’s how you ride the wave that matters.

Call a friend, get a weighted blanket, listen to the rain—do whatever helps you ground yourself and find calmness.

If need be, watch some “Gilmore Girls” and eat some popcorn. If you need to add extra butter and drink some Dr. Pepper for the evening, so be it. Let yourself ride the wave.

We are all riding waves, some bigger than others. Sometimes we see our way out only to be hit by another. It doesn’t matter its size; it will one day pass.

If you’re struggling, please know it’s okay. Ride the wave, and if you can, continue to stand on your board like superwoman.

You’ve got this. We’ve all got this.

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