I just watched a video by Rebecca Zung, and she lays out some crucial information.
She touches on the favorite sayings of a narcissist. As I’ve written in the past, the most challenging part of being tethered to a narcissist is the doubt. We feel all these sh*tty things, but we are so scared and confused that we can’t/won’t put our finger on it.
Here are six phrases you might hear from a narcissist—surefire manipulation indicators:
1. “You interrupted me.”
This is how they deflect the conversation. Any point that you were trying to bring up is now going to be undermined. They don’t want to work through the issue; they want to demonize you and shut you down. This is a great method of devaluing you. It’s, “You’re so rude for interrupting,” or whatever they come up with to make sure that your words are not valid.
2. “Just because I didn’t…”
They want you to feel guilty. “Just because I didn’t do it exactly how/when you wanted.” They are trying to twist things so that you come off as the uptight one. You’re the one with the issue, not them. Once again, they are unwilling to hear what you have to say.
It’s all about concocting the idea that you’re doing it wrong. Period. Then, you are in this situation where you feel guilty and might even apologize because your intentions have been misconstrued, and now you are actually starting to believe that you’ve been uptight, dramatic, or crazy (you can insert whatever sick verbiage they like to use).
3. “What about your issues?”
Any situation where you point out a fault in them, again, they deflect to justify their actions. They will not take responsibility for their side of anything. It’s the same game as when you’re a kid: “You’re being mean to me.” “Oh yeah? Well, you’re a poophead because you eat boogers.” Obviously, this is a crude explanation, but the concept is the same.
They aren’t going to acknowledge their dirt; they’re going to rub your dirt from the past in your face (whether it’s true or not). It’s, “Let’s talk about how sh*tty you are instead of my shortcomings.” And the truth is, they do this because they quite literally can’t stand themselves, so they have to project this self-hate elsewhere.
4. “I’m sorry; what more do you want from me?”
This is a wolf in sheep’s clothing apology; this is bullsh*t. It’s a classic “faux-pology.” They might also say something like, “I’m sorry I couldn’t be perfect for you.” This is the same manipulation tactic as number two (“Just because I didn’t…”) because you end up as the bad guy. You’re backed into a corner and have to say, “No, I didn’t mean you’re not amazing and perfect.” Blah blah blah.
Your point, again, is thwarted by this swap-eroo they’ve done with the blame. It’s a way to keep going back to them and their ego—a fueling of their emotional needs.
5. “You made me…”
“You made me cheat on you.” “You made me have to move out.”
You, you, you. If you had done more—if you had done less—this bad thing wouldn’t have happened.
6. “You’re the only one who thinks that.”
The classic gaslighting technique. You’re the only one who thinks these things, so you must be wrong. This makes you second-guess your feelings and start shutting them down.
We don’t want to feel like we’re the only ones—alone in our beliefs, thoughts, and needs—so when they say this crap, we start to cave. We start to slowly shave our edges to avoid being “the only one.”
Watch her full video for more information: