September 12, 2020

Dear Aching, Broken Heart—It’s Time to Stop Missing Him.


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There are so many words left unsaid.

Not even the passage of time has been able to silence you, my dear heart.

As I lay awake in the neutral space, between the coldness of the dark and the warm, golden hues of the sunrise—you gently remind me of your subtle ache. Your melancholic vibration is palpable as thoughts of him gracefully prance through.

At times I want to scream to the deaf ears of the wind, the damage that he left behind, in hopes that the force of my voice will reason with you.

But you continue to miss him.

In the stillness, I hear you gently profess your love for him. I try to tell you of the hurt and the betrayal, but that is not a language that you comprehend. You have no ego—you only understand the language of love and forgiveness.

You tenderly search for the warmth of his body, but not even the coolness of the sheets validate his absence. He is nowhere to be found. His essence lingers in the thickness of the air and breathing is no longer effortless.

The memories of his smile temporarily comfort you. I softly remind you that he has a different path to travel—that his part in our journey is done; that the crossing of our paths was a beautiful lesson that we must embrace. It is in the terrain of pain where growth is found.

But you continue to miss him.

You see dear heart, by the time he came into my life, I had forgotten your existence. I had built a wall to drown out your cries and I had forgotten your language of love.

I understand why you miss him. He helped tumble down the walls that surrounded you—he liberated you. His words retaught me your language.

You and I were united through him, once again. I could feel the depth of your passion resonate through my body. I saw your glorious beauty, your selflessness, your compassion for the first time I saw the world through you. I saw light. I saw love—I saw you.

His presence is not truly what you miss, beautiful heart of mine. What you miss is us—our connection. But I am still here, holding space for you.

This time I didn’t rebuild those walls. You are still free to love, to care, to feel, and I’m still here, listening. I’m still here, feeling the world through you. I even feel your pain.

At times I want to let my hurt and anger toward him descend but your gentleness keeps me grounded. You want to continue to love him and I want to move on. Maybe we can meet halfway and forgive him.

Maybe forgiveness is the common ground where we find peace. The common ground where he becomes nothing more than a beautiful memory and a stepping stone toward our unity.

A step closer to the most important relationship that I will ever have—my relationship with you, kind heart. Because what matters here is us and our connection.

And when we are solidly connected, life becomes beautiful and magical.

Dear heart, it’s time—let the magic begin!


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