For me as a free spirit, an adventurous, sensitive, compassionate and old soul, it’s always been extremely hard to feel grounded. I could not stand still – I have always been keen to experience adventures and new cultures, to travel, to climb mountains.
Growing up in a „modern“ hippie-family with divorced, hard-working parents, several siblings from different parents, two or even three homes at the same time, a lot of coming and going, did in some way match with my airy soul – in some other ways it left me feeling ungrounded and lonely most of the time.
Moving to a different country made me feel even more lost. Home was not home anymore – though there was no other place that I would have called home either. I ended up in a weird ride of different kind of relationships, searching for stability, that all ended in a lot of drama and fuss.
At one point I got so extremely tired of my own bullshit that I could not stand myself anymore. I instinctively knew that nothing would change unless I would be willing to have a closer look at my own bullshit and work on it.
I started to work on so many old traumas, on bad habits – I found out so much about myself. I found out what is truly making me happy. I realized what is helping me when I am losing my balance. I started to understand that there are specific things that are actually causing me to lose balance.
I discovered things that help me to calm my nervous system – things that make me feel well. I found and created a home that made me feel stable, calm and grounded. This home was my anchor, my biggest bless, my cause for stability.
I was envolving into a new version of myself that was more grounded, more stable, more clear.
And then – dharma was calling. I cannot say what exactly happened – I just suddenly knew it. I had to follow my inner voice, my inner truth. I had to gather my full energy to become a true force of willpower and courage. I had to give up what I thought to be my stability, my home – until I was taught a better lesson.
Apart from my beloved apartment, everything that I feared to lose actually stayed – or even started to flourish. The relationships to my dear friends became closer and closer – even though thousands of miles are separating us. My self worth took a huge leap. Instead of regretting giving up my job, I finally found the therapeutical formation that I was looking for for years – seemingly by coincidence.
I did not lose my groundedness. Quite the opposite happened – through practicing Kriya Meditation every single day, I found something I have never really understood what people are referring to: I found home inside myself. I found a place that is always at peace, always at rest. A place where I can see with clarity. A place that is filled with nothing but kindness and pure love – towards myself and towards others.
I will be eternally grateful for being led to find this sacred place which lies within me.
I am a student of life, and I always will be.