I am writing this letter to you in an intimate tone, as I feel I know you so well.
Recently, inspired by Marie Condo, I decided to declutter my life, and in a cupboard, I found an old notebook with crumbled yellowish pages written in my native language. The notes you sent 30 years ago.
Warrior Of Light: A Manual found me in 1993 when I was 17 years old. He picked me (and I was honored), an angry teenager from a war-torn country under political and economical embargo, a hopeless and self-destructive individual. A girl who decided that there is no point to be academically successful as the world was falling apart. I played a rock ‘n roll rebel and was about to become a high school drop-out, but still enjoyed literature very much as it was an escape from reality. Herman Hesse, Dostoyevsky, and Marquez were my best friends. An episode of binge drinking was followed by an episode of binge-reading when I stumbled upon these words:
“Follow your dreams, transform your life, take the path that leads to God. Perform your miracles. Cure. Make prophecies. Listen to your guardian angel. Transform yourself. Be a warrior, and be happy as you wage the good fight. Take risks.”
Like a spell, these beautiful, magical words influenced me. The Alchemist strategically placed this line in his book to poke me: “Hey! You! Unbury your personal calling!” Brazilian thinker, writing in Portuguese, translated to hundreds of languages, read in a little country called the Republic of Serbia and Montenegro. And he was understood.
“The boy reached through to the Soul of the World and saw that it was part of the Soul of God. And he saw that the Soul of God was his own soul. And that he, a boy, could perform miracles.”
This lethargic nightmare, called “life,” seemed like a choice now. I needed to put my big girl pants on and become a Warrior Of Light. Just as Jesus turned water into wine, I needed to turn myself into something better. Something alive. Something with a voice. Something with a vision.
“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second encounter with God and with eternity”
Like mushrooms in the woods after the rain, out of nowhere, new qualities emerged. Strength, courage, ambition—every day became a new opportunity to do something about a personal legend. Suddenly the colors of the world became vibrant. I could hear the music with my heart. I had a passion for life.
Growing up I was told everything I ever wanted to do was impossible, but from that point on I decided I will dream courageously. I became fearless. I abandoned everything and everyone who did not want to come along to pursue a personal calling.
I made a road map and every day I did some work on it. It was my path to the light.
>> Get a degree.
>> Learn a language, or two.
>> Have a sense of humor.
>> Travel alone by planes, ships, helicopters.
>> Be friends with people from different cultures.
>> See the seven wonders of the world.
>> Have orgasms (don’t be carnal).
>> Become a great cook.
>> Walk in the jungle.
>> Take chances and invest in a business.
>> Breathe in the air of the Antarctic Pole.
>> Live in New York.
>> Have the courage to have your heartbroken.
>> Make money; lose money; repeat.
>> Find a place that feels like home.
>> Express thoughts and feelings. Form a tribe that will find them interesting.
>> Always speak the truth.
>> Do no harm. Protect the weak.
For 30 years, each day, each hour I spoke the truth and overcame obstacles. I fell many times, got up, and have many scars to show. However, the sense of enthusiasm got lost on the way. I got so busy fighting that I missed the Magician’s lesson about euphoria. Did I lift the Soul of the World or did I weigh it down? Is it possible that instead of listening to a guardian angel, a guardian daemon got involved? Was every fight a good fight? Am I worthy of curing and prophesying? As I fulfilled my dreams, did I take my victories for granted? When did the colors become dull again? When did the music stop?
So, I am sending a cosmic message to you Magician, to place another spell for me. Paulo, we are all One, so if you feel like you lost your mojo, it is my fault. Help a tired middle-aged Warrior Of Light find her way to peace. I am waiting.