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My love life has been fraught with disappointment and heartbreak.
My innocence was shattered by my naivety in attracting, believing, and trusting in deceitful cons.
My childhood wounds trapped me in a vicious cycle of seeking love from emotionally unavailable men, all while harboring an acute fear of abandonment. I ran from those who could and some that did love me for fear that they would eventually leave. And I longed for those not capable of love, believing in some warped way that I was safe because if they didn’t love me, they couldn’t hurt me.
In the midst of this decades-long emotional war, I had a taste of some wonderful romances, savored dalliances that were timed poorly or geographically challenged, and met some memorable men. There have been experiences so incredible and sacred that they deserve to be cherished—not shared. And there have been many dates who have become lifelong friends.
When I admitted, recognized, and wanted to break free from the tumultuous pattern, I set forth on a personal journey to discover me. The truth is that I’ve spent more time alone than coupled, so it was not a matter of serial dating or serial relationships. I consistently took years in between my failed partnerships and well, lived large. My single life continuously surpassed my partnered life, time, and time again. It seemed that I came alive when alone and slowly suffocated while in a relationship.
I thought it was the relationships but then realized that I was choosing partners who weren’t right for me. When I spent many more years alone—with the occasional dalliance—and made the time to get to know myself, I learned so much.
When the time was right, I consciously decided to open my heart to another. And I fell in love. It was not perfect. It was work. I was honest about how I felt, where I was, and who I am. I allowed myself to take the risk and let him know how difficult this newfound intimacy was for me, and he vowed that he was great with fragile things. He would hold my hand through it.
Fast forward a few years, and that vow was broken. Turns out, he wasn’t as great with fragile things as he promised to be, and we stopped holding hands.
While together, we both professed that, if it didn’t work out with us for some reason, we were both done. I don’t know about him, but I have to say that it is true for me. My only hesitation is that I never say never, and never say always. Life may prove me wrong down the line. But it won’t be because I tried or put effort in.
I believe in love. But my faith in that belief as it pertains to me is on shaky ground. If it’s the love and commitment that my parents share, sign me up. If it’s anything less, I’m not interested.
My last love showed me that I would welcome a relationship with an honest, loyal, and genuine partner. I’d actually love and cherish that. But, if that’s not to be, it’s okay—being single rocks.
Here are six reasons why being single rocks:
One should be free within their relationship; however, there is always compromise. When you’re flying solo, there is no compromise. Your life is your own in every way. What do you want for dinner? How do you want to spend your weekend? What time will you finish working?
Flying solo means not being subject to someone else’s moods. When your day is done, you can unwind however you choose. You don’t have to endure someone else’s anger or upset. You are free to tend to your own mood—whether high, low, or indifferent.
Your actions won’t be judged, no matter what you do. Leave the dishes in the sink? Check. Want to work until dawn? Check. Want to crawl into bed at dusk? Check. Check, check, check.
4. Wondering (Or…not wondering).
What did that mean? Why did he say that? How will he feel? Why didn’t he call? Sleepless nights spent in angst because of a conversation gone wrong or a tone of voice. A text never sent or a text that never received a response.
Go where you want, when you want. No forced fun at the lake house. No lack of travel and no excessive travel. Ocean? Lake? Mountains? Desert? Go where you want to go and feed your soul.
Time is your own, right up there with freedom. Time to take a class or organize your closet. Time to exercise or do nothing. Time to learn, read, explore. Time to spend however you want.
Some of us are at our best alone. That doesn’t mean we’re lonely. That doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy life. Quite contraire!
It means that we thrive in our solitude and seek love and connection through friends, social groups, and community.
Maybe romantic love will find its way to us once again, but for now, keep on rocking.