For the past three years I’ve been writing these short essays for my daughter to celebrate her on her birthday.  I just want to share them to perhaps inspire parents to cherish their children and savour every moment with them because after being diagnosed with ovarian polycystic  syndrome and being told that I won’t be able to conceive I just feel lucky to have this child in my life.

2020

 

Who said that wishes do not come true?

 

As a young adult, I could barely fathom the idea of becoming a parent, I was too busy helping my mum raise my nieces and learning the ropes of the teaching profession. But the rare times that I did fantasise about becoming a mum, my heart had only one desire, to have a brown skin girl with voluminous curly hair- I had always secretly admired people with untamed hair.

 

And years later, here I am raising an olive skin, 9-year-old little girl with an imagination as wild as the hair. After a rough day, there’s nothing more comforting than her random ‘I love you’ and her sweet kisses, she would often use vivid imagery to explain to me just how much I mean to her. These are the moments that I feel like my heart would bursts from the intensity of the deep love I feel for my child.

 

And boy oh boy, does she keep me busy with her nonstop chattering, I barely have time to think. She even sometimes spooks me out because of some of the uncanny things she would surprise us with and it reminds me of something I once read about children being closer to the spirit world.

 

Whilst the Western culture is busy promoting self-care, it made me realise that even selfish contains the word self in there as well, doesn’t it? And the last thing I want to do is spend a minute away from my child, I want to savour every moment, capture her every fall, wipe away her every tear, celebrate her every victory and help her chase her every dream.

 

I clearly remember when she was around three, she made us promise never to spend a night away from her because that was something that made her feel sad and I don’t want to make empty promises to my daughter.

 

So, until she is one day ready to spread her wings and fly, I am going to be with her pushing her. I have nothing to prove to the world but to her I have tonnes and tonnes to teach her and at the end of the day, I want her to remember her mum and her dad as two human beings who were perfectly flawed but who always tried their best and loved her with every fibre of their being.

 

HAPPY 9TH BIRTHDAY KAYLEAH! You are God’s perfect gift to your parents!

2019

 

Dear daughter,

 

To the world, you might be meaningless, to Seychelles you might be unimportant but to your parents, you are OUR MOST TREASURED GIFT.

 

We don’t want to sweeten you with words, we don’t want to spoil you rotten because God knows we don’t want a pompous diva but through our actions we hope to show you that we love you dearly daughter.

 

Through the sacrifices we are making to pay for your education, through our sweat, tears and hard work we are trying to secure a bright or at least a safe future for you. When we are strict, when we reprimand you and share stories about our humble beginnings, you may not like it but one day you’ll realise that not only were we trying to protect you but we were also shining a bright light to guide you through this darkness called life.

 

There isn’t much we wouldn’t do for you, I can turn into a mama bear and your dad will cross mountains for you, you know that right?

 

You are the fruit of our promises, our mirror reflection, our hopes and dreams packaged into such a beautiful human being.

 

But as my wise mum always used to say, ‘l’homme propose, Dieu dispose.’ So for now, let’s enjoy this special moment, let’s toast to today, let’s celebrate the gift of life, let’s get drunk on joy and fill our stomachs with immeasurable love.

 

Happy 8th birthday Kayleah.

 

Your parents,

Dan and Fyza

 

 

2018

She is my heart beating outside my chest. Scratch that overused cliché. My capacity to love her cannot even measure against the infinite depth of an unexplored ocean.

She has patiently taught my heart to love: to love hard, to love freely, to love abundantly, to love unconditionally, to love fearlessly.

She is the unattainable gift I was told I could never have. She must have been keeping God busy all this time. Hours turned into days, days turned into nights, nights turned into years and he continued working meticulously. Cleaning, scrubbing and polishing this precious, rough diamond until it was just perfect enough for Dan and I. He must have been proud of his work because even to this day we are still in awe, of this miracle of life.

We cannot quite put a finger on what or who she is exactly-for she is magical, she is mystical, she is mesmerizing. She is hope right before you throw in the white towel and a firm reminder of a friend’s wisdom, ‘it is God who gives children.’ As her mother I just want to teach her about confidence, respect, kindness, humility and all the other virtues that the good fairies bestowed upon Sleeping Beauty. And to show her that she is loved and that she is amazingly beautiful.

Happy 7th birthday to the one I call ‘the best early Christmas present I’ve ever had.’