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He swept me off my feet. We met so randomly, it had to be fate.
He was my blessing—my gift from the universe.
I was fresh out of a relationship and went straight into the arms of a man who was everything I ever wanted—or so I thought. He lived 400 miles away but had the ability to come see me quite easily.
When he came to visit, we had amazing times. We connected, laughed, went on adventures, and had deep conversations. We opened up to one another both intimately and passionately.
He was everything I had been manifesting from the universe—he had to be the one.
When he left, I would feel so empty that I’d build a wall around myself.
As the days passed I would battle with thoughts that I had done something wrong. Triggers would come, and I was able to push them away.
I was in a process of transformation and it was perfect. The universe had brought someone into my life so I could focus on myself and have a man at the same time.
I practiced presence and explored the freedom of being me.
When he reached out, I was exuberant and excited.
Was this love?
I refused to set parameters or chase him away. I wanted to feel this freedom. After several months, I could feel him slowly inching away. Our distance was a reality and a lesson.
How could I enjoy being present when my inner trauma—unworthiness and abandonment—was being triggered?
Is it possible to be in love with someone so sexually, intimately, and passionately, and then release them?
Can I maintain my own strength inside to feel good and strong?
How will I know if I am a vibrant and healthy individual without his validation?
The space between us increased over time and I felt him detaching. How could this be possible?
We were soul mates. My intuitive psychic sense knew that we were meant to be. If I am present in the moment, it will work out as it should—even if that is the lesson.
But what about me?
Becoming aware of my conditioning of how a relationship should be while battling my ego was a huge undertaking. I had to delve into my shadow side and observe the trauma that this relationship had triggered. I had to become intimate with the pain that surfaced within my heart.
This beautiful man represented freedom. He entered my life in order for me to truly learn how to be free while in a relationship.
I had to be completely honest with myself and my partner, without fear or restriction, of what the end result may be.
I had to be unburdened and open.
We can experience true freedom and intimacy without expectations, unconditional love, or our agendas.
I would not allow another person’s behavior to shut me down or close me off from being who I am here to be.
I wouldn’t take the actions or behaviors of others personally.
In my mind, this all made sense, but in my heart, it felt different.
The last time I saw him, he said, “I will be in touch.” I trusted that, and in my conditioned mind, that meant a couple of days. But, what if that meant when he is ready to reach out? Wait a minute, why is this all up to him?
Again, what about me?
Why am I waiting and engaging in this game?
What are my needs and why am I not saying what I need to say?
What exactly was I afraid of losing?
I already had everything I needed. I had me. I didn’t need a man to be happy.
I didn’t need a man to make me feel strong. I believed in myself and knew I was already the warrior goddess I was meant to be. When my epiphany resonated, I no longer feared losing him. I honored my truth. Everything shifted and made sense. It became clear that I was not a victim, and gained as much as he did from this experience.
I was hanging onto an idea or a perception of something that was not real.
We are conditioned to think that relationships are supposed to be a certain way and that we need to adapt or change ourselves (or others) to be happy.
We think it’s about pleasing someone else, but when we are present and love ourselves, we don’t need anyone else in order to be happy.
Once we open to the possibility of an intimate, healthy, and free relationship, this can happen without any hidden agendas. We can have the relationship we desire free of codependency.
A healthy relationship is where each of us has our own pillar of strength—independent and free. When we come together, we are the strongest most unstoppable team imaginable.
This lesson is about two people who are not putting any conditions on the other, experiencing freedom and independence. There are no expectations or agendas. There is no projection or blame. There is no compromising on what is true for both parties.
When it comes down to it, we are what we have.
Regardless of who is in our life, we must have the ability to dig deep and put our beautiful light out to the world.
If we are compromising or depleting ourselves—losing our authenticity in order to please someone else—then we are giving away our power.
When we are triggered and place blame on another person for their behavior (or how it makes us feel), we are projecting. Our trauma is causing us to feel our emotions. We need to sit with them and let them go. We are in charge of our own emotions, just as the other person is in charge of theirs. We are in charge of what works for us in our relationships, just as the other person is in charge of what works for them.
When I say he was my lesson, I mean it on so many levels. He not only taught me what true freedom and intimacy feel like within myself, but he helped me learn that the first place all of this starts is within me. He does not need to be my rescuer—I have myself for that.
I am so grateful for him coming into my life and opening up love in my heart. Although we shared an intense connection, and I will always have a love for him, the most precious gift was the realization of the love I have for myself. Thank you again, for my blessing and my lesson. Now I can truly call in what it is that I want in my life, and a big piece of that is because of this beautiful lesson he helped me to learn.