Do you know the feeling of being lonely and no one understands you? I know the feeling quite well.
Loneliness has been my companion for a long time. Today, I understand the desire that was lying behind that feeling—the desire for community.
In our modern society we walk our own paths far away from our families; far away from the places where we grew up.
Social media sells us this desirable idea of living in a foreign country; traveling the world, being a vagabond; a person with seemingly no social pressure; a person without a consistent home. There is often a sad truth lying behind the vagabond life.
We want to be surrounded by those who live a life of similar values. We desire a community in which we feel understood, accepted, and normal. Sometimes this desire is not met in our hometown.
Sometimes the community that inspires us most is away from our original home.
This community encourages us to be the best version of ourselves. We are accepted for who we are. Our unique gifts and talents are celebrated. We are encouraged to chase our wildest dreams and shine our inner light.
How can we find the community we are longing for?
As with our personal journeys, there is no one size fits all recipe, but there are steps we can take to create the community we are longing for:
Leave home and find some personal space.
Knowing you have to leave can be quite hard. You feel that you are letting down a lot of people. Family and friends may miss us and may feel disappointed as if we are leaving them behind. This journey is not about leaving anyone behind, but taking space to find out who we are. Space is vital in order to connect to ourselves.
Leaving home is a lonely journey, and most of the time, not an easy one. When I left home I was searching for answers and for love—in all the wrong places. I was searching for a community where I felt at home. At first, I did not even know what I was searching for.
Listen to your instinct.
Travel to all the places that attract you in order to find out where you feel whole and happy; go where you feel inspired and at home. The places will hold certain energy, a certain vibe. They will attract people you can connect with.
We are exactly who we are meant to be from birth. The universe created us with specific mental, physical, and spiritual attributes. We know ourselves. As we grow, we may lose sight of who we are. We develop strategies to receive love, connection, security, and appreciation. We may become pleasers, perfectionists, or power-hungry individuals. Behind our unhealthy strategies are self-deprecating beliefs that keep us from evolving, prospering, and meeting those we are longing for. When we are disconnected from ourselves, it is impossible to attract our ideal community; we are not yet on the same frequency. The more we dig, the more we work through inner beliefs, strategies, traumas and will connect to your true self.
Our entire energetic frequency will change; our aura will change.
Finding our way back to our true self is not a project that is done within a year, and certainly not a linear process. The process feels more like trial and error:
Who are you?
What do you love to do?
Where are you happy most?
Which environments make you feel unhappy?
How are social expectations influencing you?
What are your decisions based on?
What brings you out of balance and what brings you back into balance?
What makes you feel good and what does not?
What are your dreams and are they your own?
What is the unique gift that you bring into this world?
You will meet many people on your journey of self-discovery.
There were many friendships that did not help me feel any better. I unconsciously chose these (adorable) humans as close friends, and I got even more disconnected from myself. Being surrounded by lovely friendships caused a lot of conflicting feelings inside of me because I was longing to be understood and seen for what I was. The energy and effort to maintain these friendships brought many situations that weren’t serving me.
I dug deeper, turned inward, and chose the lonely road. I spent hours, weekends, and months alone. In these hours and months of solitude, I discovered what made me feel good and bad. I found ways to ground myself when the feeling of loneliness overwhelmed me. I developed routines for health and confidence. I consciously listened to my body and changed my diet. I used healthier products on my skin. These little insights helped me tremendously to connect with my true self.
Self-connection leads us to our gifts.
Go out and connect with nature. Do everything you have wanted to do for a long time. Try out new things that others may not be brave enough to try. Do what makes you feel happy and fulfilled. Reflect on what you loved as a kid and do those things.
What kinds of things do your friends ask of you?
How do you help them?
What makes you special?
We are here to share our unique gifts with this world—the gift of our true selves. I promise you, finding your gift is worth the journey. They may appear unspectacular because they are so natural, but they are not. Our gifts make us unique. and they are supposed to be shared in the world. The more we spread our light, the more our community will be drawn to us.
When we accept the lessons life wants to teach us, we may not understand why we meet certain people. These encounters and situations may drain our energy and send us in the wrong direction.
Even if it doesn’t make sense, and we cannot see the reasons for what life brings, I assure you there is a reason. Life is an intelligent entity. It will teach us to evolve and to grow. We will take all the necessary detours that we need in order to get to our true selves. We encounter people that we are meant to meet; people that might even bring out the worst in us, in order to reveal our trauma. We have a conscious choice to observe ourselves if we want to learn.
Be as authentic as it gets.
Being authentic is hard in the beginning. We can be so conditioned to play a role, to meet expectations, to pretend to be someone we are not. If we are searching for a true connection, we have to take off the mask. We have to be open to who we are and what we want from life. We have to awaken to our dreams and what we are striving for. We see the hard times and open up about how we really feel.
We must be honest about how we spend our time. We must be open to our gifts and our flaws.
We must let our light shine and reveal our true nature.
If you are not living the life of your dreams, change it. The more open and honest we are with ourselves and others, the better other people will be able to love and appreciate us for who we are.
Bold authenticity will attract the community you have been longing for into your life.
It can be a long and lonely road to find our community where we feel at home: wanted, inspired, understood, normal.
Walk the path and embrace your journey.
Make it your priority to create a life filled with true appreciation, inspiration, and connection.