My clock reads 5:55 am, and I have been tossing and turning for several hours.
I finally gather enough courage to leave my warm bed and let my toes touch the cold floor. I tiptoe my way to the coffee machine and make some strong cup of magic. I sit down on my bright red couch with my fingers wrapped around the warm mug. I listen to the calm that is surrounding the house, the kind of calm and warm energy that hugs you from inside out.
I wrap a blanket around my body as I see my phone flash the bright white light, and I read a message displayed across my phone:
“I choose him.”
“This time is different.”
“This time, I won’t betray my soul.”
I can feel my heart sink deep into my chest as it quickly blossoms with every emotion on display.
My dear unrealised goddess,
You don’t need to betray your soul’s wisdom for the sake of making him stay, and making yourself fit into his tight box of ideologies. You have navigated this life’s maze for far too long to let anyone wreck your inner peace. Don’t let his sweet nectar promises convince you that these dark colors of chaos are the same as colors of love. They aren’t.
I have seen you meet the world with such strength and grace, where no obstacles took any chance to stand in your way. He is not worth the price of your liberation and everything that you have been standing for. Please don’t allow him to rewrite the definition of the core of who you are.
And if you forgot, here is your reminder: Goddess, you are a goddamn warrior.
You have been moving to your own life’s rhythm ever since you took your very first steps. You have never been a follower, and trying to fit your footprints into his goes against the indestructible woman I know you to be.
So pack up your suitcases with all the beautiful parts that formulate exactly who you are and just come home to yourself, because you have been gone awhile pretending to be someone you have never been.