More than 25 years after Princess Diana broke her silence about life among the British royals, Meghan did the same. Their stories were remarkably similar. https://t.co/6m71AS8p6S
— The New York Times (@nytimes) March 9, 2021
“Can you be 50 percent less you?”
“Hand over your passport.”
Can you imagine?
Sadly, I can.
We never truly know what’s happening behind closed doors and we only ever know what people allow us to see but I believed there was more than what the tabloids were saying, and Meghan Markle was their scapegoat. Prince Harry’s mom, Princess Diana, tried to take on the system and pull the plug on its abuse without success years ago. Despite this, people continued to revere their celebrity.
Last night’s interview between the Duke and Duchess of Sussex with Oprah Winfrey, felt very much like Diana reaching out from the grave, trying to finish the work she left undone before she passed. These times already feel like the world is on fire with all of its uncertainty and rage. Maybe it is finally the right time to effect the change Diana had once hoped to see.
Much of society has been conditioned to prop up the patriarchy (in this case the media/the institution) and shame the victim. Even women can’t seem to help themselves from indulging on their sisters’ pain and falling prey to this misogynistic mindset.
I used to say to one of my exs, who had a limited amount of celebrity, that I didn’t marry into the Royal family. Meaning, my words and actions didn’t first need to be filtered through his approval. Literally, he wanted each social media post, or what we shared with family or friends, my book to be okayed. He even had people that appeared to be on a 24-hour clock, watching my every social media move and reporting back to him any perceived disobedience. He wanted to control the narrative and how the community saw us because he was afraid of losing status and being rejected.
What I didn’t yet understand in my previous relationship with my ex was the concept of narcissism, gaslighting abuse, and perfectionism as a survival strategy—but I do now. Until you’ve lived it, you do not know what you are involved in. Denial is ever-present because what you’re involved in is incomprehensible to what you’ve been led to believe was true.
The Royal Monarchy—the Institution—is no different. It’s narcissism and gaslighting but a thousand times amplified. There’s no room for empathy, remorse, or depth. No one else matters but number one. The goal is conformity and identity erosion, emotional rape…slave-making…1000x amplified.
If you can empathize with this extreme example that was shared by Meghan and Harry last night, and recognize it as the abuse that it is, does any argument that begins with “She should have known better…” make sense? If you’re still not convinced and she still should have known better, does it still make abuse okay?
“Silence only ever helps the tormentor, not the tormented.”
There comes a time in many people’s lives when they realize they can no longer sit in silence. They are willing to risk their families, their livelihoods, and all that they know and hold dear rather than succumb to living an inauthentic life. They understand that until they share their voice amongst the many others that have come before them—because the reality is, we’re never alone—that voice can never get loud enough, or strong enough, or powerful enough to effect real change.
The idea that “You made your bed, you lie it” has indoctrinated many women into believing they need to stay in abusive relationships, tolerate toxic situations, and bear the shame of their poor choices indefinitely. And then bear, the humiliation of being victim-shamed for trying to speak up and right their circumstances.
While I’m not so sure Meghan made a “bad choice” to begin with, like many people who are trying to shift the blame believe. She did make a choice—like many of us who’ve been seduced and love-bombed by our culture’s glorification of the fairy tale—based on her limited understanding of what it meant to be on the inside and by what she was led to believe—she’d be safe. She’d be valued. She’d be loved.
For those who still believe the Royals’ privacy is not their own, understand that your need to know does not equate to no boundaries. From my perspective, the Sussex’s are exerting theirs in the only way that the other side will hear them. The only people who are uncomfortable with hearing those boundaries are the people who either can’t recognize them as boundaries because they don’t have any of their own or by those who rely on them not having any so they can be walked all over.
The great thing about having your freedom and your free will “returned” is when you make the wrong choice, you get to choose again.
Meghan, Harry, me, you…everyone.
Without this, what is there?
(Proud of them.)