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April 15, 2021

Bad at Love: Jaguar Versus Deer, Empathy, Soul Contracts and Intuitive Lucid Dreaming.

“Pracchardana-vidharanabhyam va pranasya” from Patangali’s Yoga Sutras

‘Or the mind may also be calmed by the exhalation and retention of the breath.’

I’ve lived in Mexico, Puerto Rico, Argentina, Ghana, Italy, Belgium, Spain, Indonesia, Viet Nam, Taiwan and the United States, yet felt incomplete and ‘bad at love’ in every single country.

I am a hypnotherapist, soul guide, Toltec lucid dreaming teacher, Neuro Linguistic Programming practitioner, basically I’m a subconscious coach. I pay close attention to my dreams. Last night, I dreamt I was trapped in a cave with a dark-haired man and slender woman. It’s interesting to note the things we recognize as named objects in dreams, we will focus on, certainly it gives credence to nuclear physics, we create reality with our perception. The two people were dream guides. Once trust was established the handsome, broad shouldered man quickly became my boyfriend. Peanut-sized, highly reactive, fleeting love was inspired, momentarily. We three, were journeying together in the underworld, Mictlan the land of the dead.

They lead me to a cave, a Toltec place of power in the subconscious. The rock walls of the cave were jagged red, the ceiling was low. The cave began to fill with water. Red means healing, still water represents stuck emotion.

We looked at each other in shock, the face of the dark-haired man was obscured. I had a feeling the cold stagnant water was a test, much like his mediocre lust. For the Toltecs, Yeyellis are energetic beings who take energy from guilt, lust, fear or anger. I looked left and found a long white opening of light where we could escape. I popped my head in and out of the cave to show my companions it was safe to leave the cave. They seemed confused at first, then slowly followed me out the cave. I woke up.

For six weeks I’ve been recapitulating (shamanic review of one’s own life) scenes where I felt someone had power over me.

I’m a person who avoids conflict. I’m considered a woman with low self-esteem as I give my power away in relationships. I’m characterised as ‘a woman who loves too much.’

Given the heart is a cosmic powerhouse of connection–can we love too much?

In a world where an infinitesimal amount of demands are made of us on any given day, isn’t love the one place our egos and its demands for control can be let go?

If our egos exist to protect us, where is it in repetitive relationship patterns? It seems a Catch 22, where our egos can close our hearts down or set us up to be doormats. I want to write a song about being a love dormant called, ‘Don’t be a Love Dormat, Sha na naa.’

I think the answer is the heart. In my work in the subconscious the key is the heart as the balance point of our energetic system. Afterall, it’s not our heart that makes us do one-handed back bends asking others if they love us. The heart is like Yoda, the heart does or does not, there is no try.

In lucid dreaming and hypnosis you develop discipline, using breathwork, to create balance between the conscious and subconscious mind. No easy feat.

In Mexico the Jaguar represents the patterns of the mind, he’s also the ruler of the underworld.  The deer represents the heart. It appears we need to balance the heart and the mind, in our relationships, in lucid dreaming, in order to evolve out of 3-D, for our relationships to work. The problem is no one tells us that, it’s all rainbows and unicorns, princes and slippers, sha na na, naa!

As I teach people how to tap in and combine the energy of the lower chakras up to the heart, with the mind and third eye, I notice how having a blocked heart inhibits flight. The subconscious is connected to the soul in ways we don’t understand.

The way I see it, the subconscious is the soul’s big mansion in Beverly Hills. I quite enjoy the idea of a young Eddie Murphy being my Beverly Hills Cop!

My dream guides have told me we can use the subconscious to heal our cells. For me healing was the doorway, once familiar with what I now call the cellular energetic body, we can jump into the astral or quantum realm to fly.

The idea of soul contracts may give us an inkling to the subconscious decisions we make in relationships. The presupposition is our soul knows we will need to learn a certain lesson in this life, and we create contracts with people to help us learn that lesson.

I recapitulated a clue to my soul work as a memory of my older brothers playing darts behind our house in Walnut Creek, California. I was standing next to the dartboard and a dart landed deeply in my leg. My mom came and admonished my brothers. They blamed me. I said I wasn’t really hurt, but I was. I didn’t feel safe. I also felt abandoned by both my brothers and my mother, which translated into, “I am unsafe.”

One of my seed thoughts, the impetus to some of my soul contracts is, ‘I am unsafe.’

I get jealous. I fall in love quickly. I have high expectations immediately. I assume that if they can read my body, they can read my mind. Yeah, right.

It seems the beauty of being in a relationship is that we are not alone, there is another, and we must consider their wants and needs. Another gorgeous layer to this fact is the Buddha, who said, “Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others.”

My own journey has required me to create balance. Prepare yourself for a real life scenario. For example, I cannot assail my new boyfriend with a list of demands immediately in the name of love. Nor can he, my handsome French boyfriend sleep with someone else just because I had an abortion.

When things don’t work in relationships, reflect on what you’re being taught throughout all the pain. In my case, I self-sabotaged. I felt so guilty over the abortion I pushed him away and told him it was his fault. I didn’t think I was good enough for him. He mirrored me, felt he wasn’t good enough for me or fatherhood, and found validation in sex with another woman.

Sometimes we do the right thing, then fall back into an old pattern out of guilt. As was my case. We weren’t ready to have a baby. I made the right choice, but my Catholic upbringing reared it’s guilt-driven head, and I was vulnerable.

Do we put the other person’s needs in front of our own? Perhaps we need to learn to love ourselves and feel complete regardless.

Perhaps we are perceiving only from mind, creating an imbalance. We are a wounded jaguar in the jungle.

Do we give our power away in relationships? Would we like to be entirely responsible for someone else’s feelings?

Completion, intuition, and the feeling of wholeness in my experience has been one of the hardest things to accomplish.

If we can use Jaguar and heal the mind, it may give our deer heart room to guide us via our intuition to alter our perception.

We must shift from a purely mental and visual state, what Carlos Castaneda calls, “predator’s eye,” to one of our gut, where our feelings can reach out beyond ourselves.

We can use the subconscious to reach out, see, and feel. This is part of intuition, empathy and lucid dreaming. We feel ourselves, others, even the rocks, oceans, wind and trees. Haven’t you ever wondered at a meta analysis of empathy?

I regularly leave my physical body and ascend above the planet and see our beautiful blue and white sphere from space. People call it flying, but for me it’s much quicker than flying.

More and more people are becoming interested in lucid dreaming. We are coming back into our ancient precious knowledge, from cogs to ancient astronauts.

Why should you have to learn Calculus in order to fly?

Approaching a relationship from the subconscious, what I call Earth Perception, is a game-changer for women.

I became enough regardless of the reactions of others.

Feeling myself enough, I became less reactive.

Earth Perception made my happiness independent of someone else’s moods. This simple fact changed everything.

We cannot control others. We can control ourselves. That puts the power into our own hands.

Add our own power, the love for another, and connection to the earth? We have a recipe for the sorely needed, much sought after unconditional love that lives inside of all of us.

It’s very difficult to open our hearts until we feel safe in unconditional love.

In my experience, love is a super power, a mystical deer, which can bring enough light to the jaguar of the mind, so that the two can live in balance and harmony.

This planetary circle of completion is the powerful love I’ve searched for in 11 different countries. I never found it until I committed myself to delving into the subconscious and changing my dreams.

This unconditional self-love is more attractive than any six pack or hair-do.

It takes concentration, focus and determination to loosen the veil between the conscious and subconscious mind.

The reward is much higher than you can imagine. It’s no longer about your relationships. It’s about connection.

And we can connect as far as the sphere of our planet. Identifying with it’s pure abundance, stability, and strength.

For more information on Earth Perception and using dreaming to heal your relationship to self and others, contact me at  Sending you all big, balanced love!

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