April 15, 2021

How Self-Dialogue allows us to Get Out of our own Way.


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“Be your own best friend,” is something I’ve learned to say to myself as I’ve gotten older.

It’s a statement that always leads me to a better place emotionally. As a second-generation Polish-American living in Argentina, there are often days filled with self-exploration, adventure, challenge, and satisfaction. Other days, I question who I am, what I’m doing, and where I’m going next.

The truth is, none of that matters.

Not because I don’t care about my future, but because that’s not the root issue behind me feeling “lost” at times. The only reason why I’ve tripped up with questions about the future or past is that I stopped honestly tuning into myself.

What do I mean by that?

I am brutally honest with myself every chance I get by asking what my inner voice says, and not what my mind wants based on expectations (sometimes created by myself). The second part is deep listening. I give myself the time to hear what’s really going on. That voice is usually quieter, so it needs time and space to be heard. If we’ve been ignoring ourselves lately, then we probably need more time and patience to connect.

It’s simpler than it sounds, but because self-dialogue is not something that’s typically taught in our lifetime, it takes practice.

Sometimes we want something so badly based on our past experiences and older expectations we made up for ourselves. To add fuel to the fire, let’s not forget about others’ opinions about what we should be doing. Familial, cultural, and societal norms all play a role.

By checking in with ourselves and by creating self-dialogue in regard to how we are and what’s happening in our life, consistently, we’ll be more relaxed. It’s not just about asking, it’s also about deep listening and paying attention to when we try to BS ourselves. The mind has a funny way of trying to get what it wants, even if it makes you miserable.

So, by being involved in a relationship with ourselves, we get out of our own way. Like any relationship, consistent communication can lead to healthy boundaries, relationships, habits, and lifestyles.

So, that means not only connecting with ourselves when we’re not doing well, but also creating a habit of connecting to ourselves daily (sometimes, several times). Then, when our external world stops giving us the feel-good validation, we’re still good.

Let’s give ourselves the consistency of connecting with ourselves regularly. It doesn’t have to be meditation and yoga; it can be asking ourselves how we’re doing while washing the dishes, showering, walking, or any other mundane pastime.

It’s the consistency that makes the difference for any other aspect of our lives. Once we connect with ourselves, everything else flows, without the pressure.

Goals are great, but how we go about them is what makes the difference between suffering and more satisfaction. Sometimes, we get it all backward. By trying to achieve our outer goals, we lose sight of truly living. Being present, enjoying as much as we can, connecting, and creating is what allows for movement.

When everything else changes in life, be the one constant.


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