April 15, 2021

I Don’t want to have Sex Anymore—with Anyone. {Advice Column}

~ This is part of a column: Up All Night: the Sex Talk you Need to Read. Head to the author’s page to follow along. Do you have a question? Email Kate here.


Q: Can I have a lasting romantic relationship without sex? Is it wrong not to have sexual attraction?

A: So you’ve identified a truth about yourself: you are asexual.

Asexual, (or Ace) is an identity that is often misunderstood. (I love this description from Urban Dictionary: “Asexuals are people who do not experience sexual attraction; this does not mean that they are plants.”)

But how does an Ace connect?

By being physically present, open to emotional intimacy, diving into romance. Just like anyone else!

But, can you have all that, without sex?

Yes, you can have a loving, healthy, fulfilling, and romantic relationship and not have sex.

For example, consider a first date. There is no expectation of sex, the first time two people meet for coffee. There is the giddy excitement, the hope, the dreams. There is great conversation and a feeling of deep connection.

Asexuality is like that, but like, all the time! Sounds pretty sweet, right?

So go, be free, unconstrained by sexual tension.

Make a happy life knowing that your preference for romantic, but nonphysical intimacy is normal and healthy, and beautiful.

~ Kate, The Passion Coach



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Kate McGourty, The Passion Coach  |  Contribution: 150

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