Cheating or infidelity is one of the most painful and heartbreaking things someone can go through. Merely thinking about your partner cheating on you is enough to make you feel crushed, so imagine how it feels when it actually happens. So many people experience infidelity in their relationships, and it never gets easier; getting cheated on will always be devastating and heartbreaking, and there are no two ways about it.
When you get to know that the person you love the most has betrayed your trust and the relationship that both of you have worked so hard to build, it can be so very hard to accept it. The shock of the betrayal can leave your world spinning, and no matter how hard you try, the darkness seems to engulf you more and more.
However, some people choose to forgive their partners, and work towards moving on from this heartbreaking chapter. If you are one of them, and you want to let this go, then before you forgive your partner, keep in mind a few things. This will help you make the right choice.
Here Are 7 Things To Remember Before You Forgive Your Partner’s Cheating
1. Have they cheated on you before?
This is the first and probably the most important thing you should think about. If your partner has a history of cheating, and has cheated on you before, then ]they don’t deserve your forgiveness and understanding. Moreover, if they have cheated in their previous relationships too, then it’s all the more reason to let them go.
However, if this was a one-time thing, and your partner does not have any history of cheating, and means it when they say that it was nothing more than a horrible mistake, then maybe there is still a chance of reconciliation.
2. How did they cheat on you i.e. what kind of cheating did they engage in?
You need to consider how they cheated on you, as in, were they involved in an emotional affair with someone, or was it just a drunken one-night stand. Understanding the difference between these two is crucial to understanding whether the relationship is worth giving a second chance to or not.
If your partner got involved with someone emotionally, and it was emotional infidelity that they committed, then that is going to hold a lot more weight, than if it was just a stupid fling. If a person sleeps with someone without any emotional entanglement, then moving on from that is still possible.
But if your partner slept with someone with whom they share a strong emotional connection and have strong feelings for, then that makes the situation way more complicated.
3. Do they regret their actions, and want to make it up to you?
Is your partner repenting their mistake? Do they realize and feel bad about all the pain they have caused you? Or are they simply behaving as if whatever happened is not a big deal, and you need to deal with everything yourself?
Notice and observe their attitude, and see how they are behaving with you. This alone can help you understand whether they deserve a second chance or not. If you see your partner genuinely regretting their mistake, and wanting to make things right by you, then work towards healing and second chances. But if they are not, then you are better off without them.
4. Do you think you will be able to feel the same kind of trust you did, before they cheated?
Trust is that one thing that makes or breaks a relationship, and without trust, there is no hope of a relationship standing the test of time. If you cannot trust your partner at all, then what’s even the point of being together, right?
If your partner has cheated on you, but repents their actions, then you need to think about whether you will be able to trust them like before, or not. Yes, it will take time, but will there ever come a point when you will be able to go back to the way you were with them? If your answer is yes, then amazing! But if you feel that the trust is never coming back, then maybe you need to rethink the whole relationship.
5. Do you think you will be able to forgive them fully?
Just like trust, forgiveness is also crucial to moving forward from a painful thing like cheating. When you choose to forgive someone, that does not mean what they did was right, rather it shows that you are choosing to focus on your mental peace and happiness, and that’s why you are choosing to let it go.
But forgiveness is only possible when you have dealt with all the pain and hurt festering within you, have chosen to forgive your partner for their misdeeds, and want to make a fresh start. So, think about whether you will be able to forgive them fully, or not. If you feel you can’t, then there’s no point being in a relationship anymore.
6. How would they react if you were the one who cheated on them?
Now this one is an interesting way of looking at things. If you feel confused and conflicted about how you should handle the situation, then simply think about how your partner would have reacted if you cheated on them.
Would they have forgiven you? Would they have given you a second chance? Or would they have made life miserable for you, and made sure that you never forgot what you did? Your answers to these questions will help you understand everything better, and most importantly will help you make the right choice.
Remember that if they wouldn’t have forgiven you, and would have treated you badly, then they don’t deserve kindness and forgiveness from you, just because it’s the other way round.
7. Are they giving any efforts to make you feel better, or doing anything to get back your trust again?
You can’t change what happened, but what you can do is try to make things right. If your actions have broken someone’s heart, then you try your best to make things right again, and help them heal. Is this how your partner thinks after cheating on you? Are they really trying to repair the relationship, and working on themselves to make sure that this never happens again?
It’s simple – if your partner is trying their best to make things right, and is working very hard to earn back your trust again, then maybe they are deserving of a second chance. But if your partner couldn’t care less about your pain, believes that whatever happened is not that serious, and behaves as if it’s your responsibility to handle your emotions, then it’s better to end the relationship then and there.
Forgiveness is important for healing, but make sure that you are forgiving the person who actually deserves it. Not everyone deserves your kindness, and you would be a lot happier if you choose to forgive people who genuinely realize their mistakes, and try to change themselves.