My life had just been turned into a country song; I lost my lover, my dog, and my house.
I absolutely wasn’t ready to move on. He was still hung up on his ex, too.
We’d get together and talk until we fell asleep in each other’s arms simply for the comfort of a warm body in each other’s presence. The fact that we remained distant and detached drove us to be more honest with each other and, in turn, ourselves.
We talked about our feelings as though the threads that stitched our hearts to our sleeves were coming loose.
We opened up just enough to process what was on our minds, but not enough to grow too attached to one another. We talked about what we felt we needed to do in order to move forward.
I definitely think it helped us each to process what we needed to do for ourselves as we put in the work. I, of course, can’t say that I am exactly where I want nor need to be. However, I can say that his friendship helped me get further along on my journey to becoming all that I’m meant to be.
We found comfort in each other at a time when we were struggling to find ourselves.
There’s the cliché expression, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” I believe that even if only for a season, there is always still a reason that might stick with you for a lifetime.
I’ve met a lot of people who may not have remained a constant in my life, but they sure as hell left a lasting impression. Some of those people simply continued their paths in a different direction than I; many were taken from this world too soon. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about those people; the people who managed to impact my life and even change the course of my path by even the simplest or shortest encounters.
Sometimes, it’s because their pain resonated with me—we found solace in each other’s capacity for loneliness.
When those people lose their lives, I begin to fear what’s becoming of my own. Other times, it’s because they lived their lives to the fullest. Whatever it was that drove them inspires me, and to lose them suddenly drives me to want to live my life to its fullest potential.
Still, even that response is in fear. I fear that I’m wasting my time here on earth because we never know how much we have left of it. I may be able to talk myself out of taking my own life, but who’s to say it won’t be taken from me?
To honor the loss of these people and to give purpose to the impact they made on me, I choose to channel that fear. I choose not to continue to let time pass in vain. I choose to live my life to the fullest.