October 29, 2021

What I Wish Someone had Told Me.


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I wish someone had told me 10 years ago that normal life is not definitive.

So I could understand that I was not afraid of normalcy or being ordinary, but of not living life before it passes me by.

I wish someone had told me that the world of hearts and likes on social media was not telling me my worth. But it was really telling me how many people the algorithm lets them see me and that my worth was always dependent on my thoughts.

To share the parts of me was always worthy, and the change, no matter how many people see it, is always about me seeing myself. Because only one like is the most worthy: my like.

I wish someone had told me that people being assholes, misunderstanding me, and not showing up for me were not a reflection of who I am or the loneliness I felt. What I was really chasing was showing up and being there for myself.

The lonely feeling was my own self-love missing. I wish someone had told me that the true measure of success and normalcy is our own measurement of it. I wish someone had told me to be calmer and enjoy the here and now because eventually, I will miss it when I look back.

I wish someone had told me that stressing about my looks and the days I spent loathing or hating myself will not be remembered as I think they would be. Well, at least, not nearly as much as the key moments that defined me as a person.

I wish someone had told me it is okay not to be okay and it is okay to ask for help.

I wish someone had told me it is okay to be me and to do me.

I wish someone had told me that it is okay to think I am enough and worthy of an awesome life. But now I hope that the person who tells me these things is myself. Because more than anything, I wished that someone had told me that the only thing I needed and the only person I had to please was me.

I was my own suffering and my own key out of it. I never understand why it takes so long and so many people to figure this out. However, now I hope to be that voice for myself, for my daughter, and for the world to remember that we are all we need, we are enough, we are our suffering, but we are also our key.

Do you choose to be your suffering? Or do choose to be your key?


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