To form our Sisterhood, we must move from competition with other women into compassion. The most important thing when it comes to making that shift is self-worth. Ladies compete or compare when we have low to no self-worth.
Lady Queens, let’s face it – this is one we can all relate to. Have you ever struggled with your inner demons of self-worth? Have you ever asked your partner questions like…
If you could date any of my friends, who would it be?
Who do you think is the most beautiful?
All of these are fishing for compliments and can end up leading to a fight. After all, if our partner says something nice about another woman, we feel less than or like they prefer them to us. A lack of self-worth is a slippery slope to a life of unfulfilled dreams.
We end up being hostages in our bodies – watching our own lives go by.
Is that our aim, Lady Queens? Hell no! We are here to be glorious, in pleasure and living our dreams – like we deserve! So, how do we break away from this lack of self-worth?
Forgiveness means no longer holding an emotional charge about a situation, towards ourselves or another person. This has nothing to do with forgetting or being a pushover; it’s about shifting our perception around a charged emotion that’s holding us hostage. Once the emotional charge is gone, we are free to allow ourselves to open to pleasure. Respect. Love. And then request and accept those qualities from those around us.
Back to competition – remember, these initial emotions might have grown from living for so long in a masculine-dominated world where we have likely taken on more male qualities instead of embracing our magical feminine. Let’s just be clear – there’s nothing wrong with male qualities, but when we as women adopt more male over female qualities, something in us feels fundamentally off.
Let’s unpack the roots of female competition, trace it back to its core, born out of getting a man’s attention. As women, we are fundamentally hard-wired to seek protection from men. Rather than implying that a woman needs a man to take care of her, this is about our primal survival instincts. Historically, women needed protection from men, so the competition for male attention was about survival. We’ve outgrown this need in most modern Western societies, but the deep-seated sense of competition can remain, leading to interactions feeling like a game.
Often it starts with men and their propensity to play games as part of their way of operating. It’s in their nature, with or without knowing, to making courting a game. Think about some early examples that we have all likely experienced:
Truth or dare
Spin the bottle
7 minutes in heaven
Prom/Homecoming Queen at American high schools
We’ve probably all experienced a time when we went out with a group of girlfriends and were picked up by a group of guys, and the girls all ended up vying for the guys’ attention. There’s a tactic pickup artists use where they’ll approach a group of girls and proceed to compliment and flirt with all the girls – except for the one he wants to hook up with. This will make the ‘mark’ feel neglected and she will then compete for his attention, making her easy prey.
So, what do we do as Lady Queens when we find ourselves in a situation of competition or comparison?
Acknowledge what we might be feeling due to insecurities and where they have come from.
Own who we are unapologetically.
Ask ourselves questions like: Where is this insecurity coming from?
Chances are the insecurity is coming from somewhere/sometime else and we’ve been carrying it for a while. It may feel like detective work at times, but we’ve got to earn our diamonds; it’s worth taking the time to dig deep and understand ourselves better in order to advance on our paths to Queendom.
Once we understand what we’re feeling, we can learn to diffuse and release the emotion and make choices that can serve us and the women in front of us to create Sisterhood. Which brings us back to the issue of lack of self-worth – if we engage with and compliment the woman in front of us, we make her feel like she’s important in the scenario you’re in, rather than your competition. When we find ways to let her know that we are in collaboration and co-creation of Queendom, rather than competition, we are laying the foundation of Sisterhood. We will feel safer within society as we build more safety within ourselves and with our sisters because now we have the backing of our community.
The baseline is this: we all need to know our worth and feel our own worth – and remember pleasure is our compass and use it!
As always, here’s to claiming, embodying, and living in pleasure!
Stay connected, juicy, and playful, and we’ll see you next time.
Love, Teany and Savannah