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November 8, 2021

Love You Some, Hate You More

Photo by Loc Dang on Pexels.

Here we are at another impasse

Where we’ve both spewed to much venom and left the other burned

I hate you so much I’ll storm out and never say your name again

But those dark eyes that see right through me are so burned in my memory

My thoughts often drift back to them

I can’t say what I mean when I’m half a bottle in

And I don’t mean what I say when I’ve had too much to remember in the morning

But I’m too proud to admit I might’ve done something wrong

So I’ll stick to my story that it was all your fault

Because it hurts a little less

This is the end of you and I, finally I suppose

I wish I wasn’t like this

The thorns only grow around my garden when you scare me

Vulnerability never did a girl any good with a boy like you

Or at least that’s what I tell myself

My defenses will protect my heart

But they make me lose you every time

People like us, we’re meant to come and go

The free birds drifting in the wind

But ever since I started loving you I wanted a home again

You’re bad for me, you’re bad for me, I write it over and over like a punishment

But my heart longs and calls out for all the things you did that were good for me

Pulled apart for you in tiny pretty little pieces

The constant ring around what we do

We’ve done it for so long, in flux between—

“I’m done, I can’t do this anymore”

To “I’m all about you”

Between “I love you, I’m your woman” and “block, delete, ignore”

You know I’ve been giving you half truths

Or lying, it’s all the same now

It’s only different when you’re playing this lovers game

I love you and I hate you, so fucking much on both

But you’re so very much a part of me now

I hate myself

You see the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference

Indifference is something I’ve never felt for you

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