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November 9, 2021

The Nights I Spent Stuck on a Love That Never Was: A Collection of Poems

Photo by Amir SeilSepour on Pexels.


Music off, lights on, it’s time to go

But I still won’t

Liquor stopped flowing

Last man walked out the door

The bartender lends me his sorry smile

While my heads on the bar, drowning in a glass

Lost in a delusion that any minute now you’ll appear

This was supposed to be our place

The one I could go and be sure I’d see you

Half a bottle in, center of attention

But you’ve stopped coming

Found another place to haunt

Looking for pretty innocent looking girls who’ll let you fuck them up

This ones gone dry

I thought I could have been your match

The only woman who could keep your eye

But you can’t hold onto someone else’s catch

Some other girl thinks you’re only hers too

At least I’m not the lone fool

Learned a long time ago that you only like me when I’m only yours

Not the other way around

I’m tired of you always being on my periphery, sucking the life out of me

Always staying close, but too far away to hold

Not that you want to be held anyway

I could’ve held onto all the promises you kept

Called you every night, desperate to feel your breath

But I have too much pride

I’d rather wait for you to see the beautiful mess you’ve left behind

Now I sleep all day, drink all night

Tell all my friends that everything’s alright

But it’s all a lie

I’ve become a creature of the darkness just like you

Hunting in the night the way you do

I’m gonna get you back

No matter the cost


I just wanna try you one last time to see if you’re as good as I remember

My mind stays tricking me


Is what I think when I’m thinking you and me

Cause when I’m looking in your brown eyes I swear I could love them endlessly

And it’s weird cause I always liked blue

But there’s something about you

That takes a hold my heart

You have it endlessly

I wish that I could keep you

In just the way I want

No limits just expressing every fear and every thought

I wanna be with you every single day

Know everything about you even the words you’d never say

But, it’s all in my imagination

No you don’t love me like I want

You never loved me how I want

You can’t love me like I want

It’ll never ever happen

Much to my dismay

Even though I know I’d love my version of you every single day

You can never be that man

That man doesn’t exist

No matter how many times I try to make him


I waited so many months to see your name pop up on my screen

Desperate cries and screams

Yearning for your light to shine on me again

Caught in the delusion of your lust

Mistaken for love

But I’ll take it

Your version of love

When it comes from you

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do

On my knees for your toxicity

I beg for it, even though it’s bad for me

Heroin straight to my bloodstream

Whiskey for my liver

Smoke in my lungs

You to my heart

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