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December 1, 2021

How to make more BFFs.

Lady Queens, here’s something that may surprise you: for years, we veered away from friendships with other women. For both of us, it took making an active choice to move into Sisterhood, to create shifts around the competition we saw with other women, and to learn how to move into compassion and connection. What we learned is this:

Moving from competition and comparison to compassion and connection begins by being truly aware of ourselves.


When we’re interacting with other women, we should take a moment to be aware of our immediate emotions. Are we desiring to show off, compete, or downplay what she’s saying?

Truly understanding the feelings that arise from interaction with other women will help us make sense of the beliefs and stories we have around where the competitiveness comes from.

We all have emotions, but feelings come from our beliefs. When we find ourselves in situations with other women that we’re unsure of, or perhaps are feeling unsafe in, we can check in with ourselves as to why we’re feeling the way we are. We can see if what we’re feeling is to do with our own beliefs, and if so, we do have the power to turn it around by doing these three things:

Show up in the moment with the woman in front of us.

Ask ourselves, ‘What is the kindest thing to do in this interaction that is honouring and delicious for both of us?’

Move from competition to compassion and create community by honouring your common ground.

When we recognise the similarities between us and another woman, we’re able to tap into compassion and glide gracefully out of competition. We might even make another BFF!

How? We hear you ask. It just takes practice. However, if we find this too difficult because our feelings are too strong, we can dig a bit deeper. We can investigate how insecurities play into our interactions and why we react from a place of fear or lack of self-worth. If we can catch ourselves before we go down that road out of our personal power, and understand why we feel a lack of self-worth, we can speak with a girlfriend to process the experience. Then, we can contain the emotion – this may seem counterintuitive, as if we’re suppressing an emotion and cramming it back down, but suppression and containment are two very different things. Containment may take time, but once we’re able to do so, we let the emotion release slowly over the next 24-48 hours. We witness ourselves getting into right relationship with the emotion again so we can understand where it comes from and how to let it go. When we engage with ourselves in a spacious and gentle way to allow our wisdom to guide you through your process, we can let it go. We will then be able to be objective in the situation and begin the diffusion process with the people around us.

It will take conscious effort at first, but there will come a time when we’re able to do this immediately and in the moment. It will be another of our many superpowers! Here are some things we can embrace and work on to help develop this ability:

Step into our femininity

Let’s give ourselves the headspace to step into our feminine qualities – things like pleasure and listening to our bodies and those around us – without apology. When we do so with actions over only words, we can reclaim the juicy feminine energy and operate in a more positive way for us and for the women around us.

Just do it!

All it takes to move from competition to compassion is to just do it! We can practice with our immediate circle of friends so we can get used to connecting consciously, lovingly and with kindness with other women. We’ll start seeing the women around us as heart sisters.

For our Lady friends, we can CHOOSE to see them as Lady Queens.

For our menfolk, we can choose emancipation over emasculation.

The key to harmony and compassion in all relationships is honour and respect.

Here’s to claiming, embodying, and living in pleasure

Stay connected, juicy, and playful, and we’ll see you next time.

Love, Savannah and Teany

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Savannah Alalia  |  Contribution: 4,695