December 20, 2021

I Had an Arranged Marriage, but I’m Still Searching for a Soul Mate.

“I think a soul mate is someone who will make you be the most ‘you’ that you can possibly be.” ~ Unknown


I am not sure whether I believe in soul mates or true love or even love at first sight.

At times, the idea of a soul mate is something I can relate to, especially when I read the quote above.

We are often brought up to idealise words—soul mate, true love, love at first sight, knight in shining armour, and so on. Often followed by disappointment and delusions, we feel let down, as the real world hasn’t quite met our highly raised expectations.

Thankfully, I had an arranged marriage.

No, not the one where we met on the wedding day but the one where our parents met first—then we did. We spent time and met on a few occasions before we got married. Although, I must admit that we had decided to get married on our second day.

Why thankfully? Because I had no idea what type of person I wanted to marry and was too naive to figure out the bad from the good…or the fake, so I decided to go the arranged marriage way. Had I met a Ryan Gosling or Chris Hemsworth or George Clooney then things may have been different.

So I met this bloke. I got married to him only to find out that he was raised in a completely different way than me. Their way of living was not like ours at all. The culture and habits in the family were something I had to get used to over the years.

Later, when he moved to my country, he had to get used to my way of living too. Then we had to separate for a while, as he had to establish himself before I could join him—back at his country. More changes took place, and absence played its part in making the heart grow fonder. I missed our space—our home together. I craved for my own home, no matter where, but I wanted my own space.

We made a beautiful home together. He did things for me, which he knew I would like. He tried to make life easier for me in little ways. After settling down, a year later, I was encouraged to enroll in a Teacher Training course. This was followed by a job in a good school and then a degree in teaching.

I was unaware of his caring nature, but he was constantly raising the bar and encouraging me all throughout. I enhanced myself to fit into his lifestyle, not because I was forced to, but because I wanted to. I wanted to make the food he liked, for example.

It’s not all “bed of roses”; we still have major differences due to our vastly different ways of being raised. But we have developed a mutual understanding of where to draw a line when it comes to agreeing or disagreeing with each other. I believe that no two individuals can totally agree with each other all the time. I feel sometimes that I have made the biggest compromise, as I had to move my life to another less developed nation.

It is like any marriage; we have good days and we have bad days. During a bad day, I feel that life would have been so much easier, with much fewer obstacles, had I married someone from my own country, but during a good day, I ask myself, “Who else would understand me in such a way?”

Over the years, couples blend into each other’s personalities and become an amalgamation of both. When he is away, I do the things he usually does. I am sure he does the same. Couples do this to honour each other when they miss each other’s presence; it is also a way of comforting ourselves when our partners are not with us.

I don’t know if he is my soul mate or if I am his. I still don’t know whether soul mates exist.

I do know, however, that he makes me feel the most “me” than anyone ever has. Given time, understanding, respect, countless arguments, and years later, perhaps we do find our soul mates—right there, next to us, all along.


Hearted by




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