Just as salt dissolves in water, so is the heart which possesses the Mistress of the house.
At this exact moment, it discovers a savour, if it unites with her again and again forever.
Kanha- An Ancient Tantric Buddhist Poet
She did not want to be saved, she could save herself. She wanted to be deeply felt. Possessed by the winds of hope, desire and challenge.
Time and behold, in life, I have surrendered to the call of those impulses. When the heart beats and the body vibrates, you know it is nature’s decision to take over. What do I mean by this you ask? I have always been a feminine woman yet the masculine in me always liked to be in control. Surrender was not my cup of tea under any circumstance.
Without surrendering I walked on the path of being in control of this life. My masculine always tries to look out for the feminine in me. And just sometimes I think would life have been any different had I done otherwise? This is a mere reflection of those actions, and if you’re reading this I urge you to do the same.
Today was just another day at our love cave. Listening quietly to his fast-beating heart, I wake up feeling protected. Everything around us feels dazed and laced with an excess of sexual energy but from the brain cells rather than the body itself. I crave to feel him in me like it was the most natural thing to do, why though?
We coil up together like two beautiful serpents. Our lips and tongues entwined, yoni and lingam throbbing in vibrations. Dissolving into the throbs of surrender, we held each other in our arms gently. Our bodies synced in undulating rhythm into becoming one. Breath by breath we united in madness, without wanting to rush. Juices flowing in a dance to be one, hips rocking without force, breathing into a trance. He entered inside me erect yet gentle like a chant, and I welcomed him back as he had always belonged here. At that moment of deep love and oneness, we pulsated together. An infinite moment of joy bundled with an abundance of chi energy. Our bodies melt into a prayer of playfulness. Hearts beating together in this song of ecstasy.
I have always known that the half-hearted stance was never my cup of tea but passion and addiction might have been. My heart craved to be burned in love, mind craved to be burned in thoughts, burned in my ambitions, burned in thirst for knowledge, burning to always speak my truth, burned in losses and risks taken. Relationships, career, friendships, projects – each of these aspects were like a lover with whom I yearn to experience tears, sadness and bliss equally.
More in numbers is passé in my life officially. I want ‘more’ in sheer quality. A resolution I stand to take till my last breath unapologetically. In between polyamory and the rest, I rather prefer to be selective about who my sacred sexual energy is shared with, like a trophy to my libido. My body is off-limits for anyone who does not want to know the depths of this mind.
The passion and desire flow without rest, at times it’s overwhelming for both of us. As much as we are lovers, we are still strangers, bound by facts of everyday life. Separating fiction from the bedroom, slowly learning more secrets about one another. Eccentric, honest, creative and practical might be some of the words to describe both of us in a non-sexual sense. We’ve been getting to know sides of us much beyond the bodies and into the lonely depths of the mind and mundanities. Learning to see one another as imperfect humans with or without the partiality of sexual bonding. When the lust and animalistic passions wear off what will be left? Probably we will never know…
The clock is ticking and one of us would have to leave again. Leaving is an easy attitude, the kind that always triggers feelings of abandonment. Nobody wants to be left out in the open, vulnerable with a bleeding heart. It’s easier to lurch and talk about the ethereal yet do nothing about the simple facts of life. I have been guilty of following the same route and why not, shouldn’t I protect my heart? Counting every single day and minute like it were the last, we embrace these last days. Like a soldier leaving to fight for his country, I have to bid farewell to him in a masked smile of pride.
Tasting the salt and sweetness within, they lie patiently. Waiting to be dissolved into the trance of this desire.
Waiting to go beyond the mating dance into the infinite bliss of cosmic lovemaking.
Waiting to laugh and cry about the days and nights of mundanity.
But today their bed is warm and filled with the musk of glory.
Hearts, mouths and bodies wide open to melt, like it, was the first or last time they have/ will chance upon each other.
A glorious way to thank the universe, moaning a prayer with throbs of surrender.