This post is Grassroots, meaning a reader posted it directly. If you see an issue with it, contact an editor.
If you’d like to post a Grassroots post, click here!

March 12, 2022

If you wanna stop sabotaging, make it all about YOU.

When it comes to our self-care routines, we can often sabotage this process because of our habit mind. So, we are going to talk about our habit mind and how to change those unserving habits. And to do that, Lady Queens, we want you to make it all about YOU. Yes, you. We’ve been talking about relationships and business, but now we want to return to Self. Because really, everything in your life starts with you. Let’s start with the habit mind and how it can lead to us sabotaging ourselves.

The habit mind forms during the ages of 0-6 years old, and it is easy to think that the issues we develop in childhood will haunt us for life – and in some cases, that is true unless we know how to change it. Like any structure, if we know how we can change it, we can shape it to be anything we choose to be or have in life.

The habit mind is like a blueprint for our fundamental responses in life. Habits work very simply…what our mind repeats, it believes and then creates.

To influence the habit mind, we must uncover what it has been saying and reframe it consistently over a few years. Sounds like a big job, but it’s very easy to do. But it does take commitment and consistent application.

First, we must ask ourselves, “What are the key phrases I catch myself saying that stop me mentally from self-nurturing?”

Some examples are, “I’m not loveable, I’m not enough and it’s not going to be ok.” Sometimes they are just feelings, like disdain, dislike, lack of love.

So, how can we rephrase them to shift? We flip them around.

For example, we can tell ourselves, “I’m loved, I’m enough, and it’s going to be ok.” We can program this new phrase into our phone’s calendar and have it repeat six times a day at the same time every day, indefinitely. Each time it flashes up, we can read it and say, “Yes! Yes, I am!”

Another common excuse that comes from our habit mind is “I don’t have the time.”

This, in essence, means we feel unworthy and unwilling to change it. And that is simply untrue, Lady Queens, because we deserve to take the time and we do deserve to be prioritized.

We can shift this by saying, “I am worthy and willing to give everything the time it deserves.”

Savannah: I had one client who was struggling with getting her footing with her finances and would always be moving from a mentality of robbing from one account to pay for another thing. She was in her mid 30’s, lived in rented accommodation, and was living a hand to mouth existence. Her belief around finances was she had to work really hard to make any money and it was only then she deserved to receive it. She felt there was no way she could make enough money to get the deposit together for a house. She lived like this for 15 adult years and could see no way out of it. 


Then we looked at her childhood beliefs: she’d watched her parents struggle both being self-employed, always saying there was never enough. Her mother died in abject poverty, her father had money but he would always say it was never enough and only retired when forced at 75. She realised she had adopted their beliefs, so she put in place an affirmation to create a new habit: “I am financially abundant living a life I love.” 


Over the next 18 months, a business she had started eight years previously suddenly took off and started paying her, so she was then able to live freely and without financial constraints. She cleared all her debt and got a deposit for a house together as well as making some financial investments. All from the power of shifting her habit mind.

Teany: While I was in college studying engineering, I went through a time of depression because I realized the work I was doing was unfulfilling. I was torn between what I truly wanted to do versus what my parents, culture and society taught me I should do. I was raised in a family of engineers and teachers, and of course, my parents wanted the same for me – a safe, practical job I could live on. The thing is, my passion lay elsewhere. I wanted to dive into art and animation but felt there was no way to even talk about it.


I went through a dark night of the soul but within that time I had a big epiphany. I realized the only person I needed permission from to live life was myself. It was up to me to pay my rent and light me up – rather than my parents, culture, and society. I broke the bonds others had placed around me and gave myself permission to go down whatever road I needed to. That moment of self-belief, self-love, and courage means I no longer rely on outsiders to make important decisions. It’s a guiding light in any difficult moments I encounter.

I became the CEO of my life with no looking back! The new belief was, “I give myself permission to live my life.”

We can all do the same. It’s time to claim this superpower for ourselves, Lady Queens! A simple way we can start is by taking a moment to write down what our old habits are and then what we are replacing them with. We can program the new habit into our phones or write it down somewhere we will see it every day so we can affirm our new, empowering mantra!

We’d love to hear how you get along with this. Drop us a message and let us know!

Stay connected, juicy, and playful, and we’ll see you next time.

Leave a Thoughtful Comment

Read 0 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Savannah Alalia  |  Contribution: 4,695