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April 12, 2022

I Chose to finally Live. I Chose to be Sober.

sober

Sobriety is both the best and the hardest experience I have ever come to learn and know.

I remember the days I’d spend withering away because of the night before. I remember the days I’d spend riddled with anxiety because of something I’d said or done. I remember the days I’d come to wake up in jail…all because of something I had done.

Enough becomes enough.

When I started this journey, I had no idea where it would bring me. I had no idea that I could ever attain such happiness. I never knew that I could feel so intensely but that it need not be so negative. I never knew I had so much power in creating the life and reality that I so divinely wanted and deserved. I never knew.

Until now.

Up until now, I have had the most closeted of minds. Although I was open to others, I was closed off to me and mine. I was closed off to any idea that I could one day be better, live better, and do better.

I started showing up.

I am showing up.

Every single day is different. The range of emotions I swim through are as endless as the open sea. Some days, I am as calm as a tide pool, and other days, I am as wild and raucous as the ocean waves hitting the floor.

I have found guilt hidden in the crevices of my mind for how guilt loves to lounge in the shadows. I have found shame lying blankly in the darkness of my soul. I have found heartbreak in my heart as I compiled the pieces back together.

I have honored and accepted my past, as I honor and accept my future for the bright one that it is finally becoming.

All because I chose to finally “live.”

I put down the willingness to die, and in exchange, was given the chance to fly.

My sky is full of endless possibilities.

And one thing I know for sure is that gratitude goes a long way.

Sobriety is both the best and the hardest experience I have ever come to learn and know.

And to say I am excited for the future is an understatement.

~

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