Regret and anxiety stop you from making the changes you know you need to make.
You have this inside voice nagging you to speak your truth, but you do not listen to it. It is quiet, easily forgotten, but it’s become louder and louder lately. All the old coping skills that will get you through to the other side are not working, and you feel trapped in a corner. Feeling trapped is not a space you like. You have made it your goal to persevere and find a way out of that tight corner. You have resilience, strength, and the know-how to get out of tight spots. However, this time it feels different. You might want to go hard-core on your coping skills and push further, and sometimes it works for a little bit, but many of my clients find themselves back into that corner.
You’re not alone! Many of my clients come to therapy when they feel trapped, and the old coping skills, self-help books, and podcasts are not working. What keeps many of my clients stuck is the fear of being authentic. Many of my clients worked so hard to achieve success, status, and prestige, and then companies, in the relationships, have a hard time asking for what they need. At this point, many feel overwhelmed by work great. Many of my clients have put tons of hours and energy into their careers and feel happy about it, but when parts of their life feel unbalanced, regret creeps in and stops them right in their tracks. Regret is a common experience in life. We all struggle with some form of regret in our lives, whether that be being bold and asking that person out, doing the right thing, connecting to people you haven’t seen in a long time, or not taking care of your health and other essential items. Despite the regret, we all have it, and you’re not alone. We need to face the great, hold it tenderly with empathy and compassion, and learn from it. And a great is a wise, beautiful woman teaching us how to live more soulfully and show us our wisdom. And looking at our regrets is complex and worth processing!
They are four types of regrets we experience as humans.
- Foundational: Foundational regrets are related to our basic needs. So many women, when they first start therapy, they have regrets related to taking care of their emotional and mental health. Some of the women say, “ being taken seriously was very important to me, and I was gonna do everything in my power to make that happen, but sometimes I would let my mental and emotional health slip behind.” Another common regret is not taking enough time for physical health. Many women I work with have long work hours and struggle to find time to do physical activities they enjoy. And another foundational for great is not saving enough money or trading a sustainable life. Many women say if only I had put this money aside for the self-care, then I wouldn’t be able to do x”.
- Boldness: The boldness of regret is one that I struggle with the most. It is the statement if only I were bold enough to say X. Many of my clients wanted to take that bold step in confidence and claim that they’ve done extra work on this project. This regret shows when we don’t speak our truth and see our value. This is when we play small and do what we’re supposed to do.
- Moral: my regrets are related to doing the right thing. Many of my clients come in and say if only I told this to this person and called out the racism, sexism, whatever bullshit they’re being faced with. Taking a moral stand could be telling a coworker who’s telling the same annoying offensive joke that it’s NOT ok to do that.t
- Connection: The connection regret comes to us when we have lost touch with people we liked or connected with. Many people feel silly to reach out to someone they haven’t spoken to in years and say they want to join. Many of my clients have put their careers first and struggle when they start wanting to find connections and struggling with feelings of insecurity and self-doubt with reaching out and connecting with others. The thoughts and statements associates are great as if I were I only joined and nurtured this relationship X what happens.
- 5 Steps to Work Through Regret:
- It is essential to acknowledge the regret and give it some of your attention.
- Practice self-compassion and remember that we all experience this feeling from time to time.
- Process the regret and its impact on your life.
- Practice accepting the regret and know that you did your best with what you learned at the time.
- Find acceptance and know you can try again. We all deserve second chances.
Processing through regrets can be challenging, and it is well worth your precious time. You are worth it and deserve a whole life based on your values. Much of our culture’s focus is on the outside, and working on the inside is valid and essential. Removing and working through these regret blocks can give you the insight, love, self-compassion, and the necessary wind in your sails to soar. Let’s see you soar and fly high as you deserve to.
PS: Take good care of your heart! <3