The one that got away.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. How do I know this to be true?

Well, this was a long-long time ago, and a true story, but I fell head over heels in love with the most amazing guy. He ticked all of my boxes and looked so handsome wearing those black rimmed glasses, his blue eyes casting a spell with every glance, and I never thought that I guy like this: tall, taller than I, and I’m 5’7, blond hair, who sings and writes songs for living would fall for a woman like me.

Wowsers! I considered myself the luckiest girl in the world.

My mind was dreaming a million things like how I could go on tour with him, how he may write music about our adventures together, or while having a chilled out relaxing evening appreciating the music coming from the next room as he took the time to practice on his many instruments.

I was looking forward to introducing and sharing my excitement of new found love with friends and family, and when I did, surprisingly they all responded with: “what do you see in this guy?” I was shocked to say the least. “What do you mean?” I asked. And this is where reality sunk in that what I found beautiful, someone else may not, and what I valued, they may not see nor appreciate the value as I do.

I was in love and in my own little “world” where everything was perfect. I was weightless and my whole being was in a constant state of bliss as love elevated me to see the beauty in everything.  I jumped in with both feet. Gave the best version of myself, but there was a dark cloud looming. I soon realised I was contributing more than he did, and I soon felt lonely, sad, and depleted as I could tell he wasn’t fully committed.

Miscommunication knocked at every occasion where a need was expressed but one was speaking more than the other was listening and both of us feeling completely misunderstood resulting in feelings of resentment and insecurity. If there was any fighting, this was because of lack of connection and not being able to verbalize our unmet needs. One not understanding the other.

The relationship we have with others and ourselves have so much to teach us, and it can be a chapter in our life holding one of the most amazing adventures, but it can also bring hardship and heartbreak. And it’s a good reminder to see this journey as one of many we will be privileged to have experienced knowing that with every ending there is a new beginning.

Contrary to popular belief, the person who always loves too much is usually the one who ends up happy; despite the loss and heart break we may endure, as we remain optimistic that love will arrive. The key is to find someone who will love us too much too.

So, my conclusion is yes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but Love is also blind.

If you must tread gently because your partner doesn’t know if you are the one. They’ll never enjoy the true joy that comes from being carelessly in love. No love story ever started with two people tip toeing around the issue of commitment and casually waiting just in case something better comes along.

We are worth more than that. I am worth more than that, and it took me a while to realize I was losing the connection to my true self in hopes for him to realize what he has found and to see my worth. I had to check in with myself honestly and finally admitting that it was not okay to be strung along.

Continue being the forever optimist loving life and enjoying the process of love finding you.