What do you think of when you hear the word confidence?
If you were anything like me a couple of years ago, you probably think it’s a foreign concept. For so long, I wanted to be confident and believe in myself.
I wanted to stop looking at everyone else and create my own success story. I wanted to hold my head up high when I walked down the street instead of thinking about everything that was wrong with me.
I used to equate confidence with how I looked. I thought that if I had the perfect outer image then I would be confident. I thought that if I just lost those pesky 15 pounds then I could be the person everyone wanted to be.
Little did I know that my ego was the one running the show.
The ego loves everything about external appearances. The ego wants to be admired and adored by everyone else. The ego wants accolades and trophies because it assumes that’s how you can gain success. I was thinking solely from my ego-based mind.
This thinking was what led me down an intense and dangerous relationship with dieting. I so desperately wanted to lose weight so I could finally feel confident. I was treating confidence like some sort of end-goal that I wouldn’t reach unless I could buy a smaller clothing size. Unfortunately, too many of us still think this way thanks to mainstream media.
See, mainstream media wants us all to believe that we need to keep buying diet books, pills, and supplements. In the media’s eyes we are just consumers and nothing else. It will do everything possible to destroy our mental health in order to get our next sale. It’s a sad fact about today’s society.
But here’s the thing, when I did lose those 15 pounds, I didn’t feel any different. I was able to buy a smaller clothing size, but I still wasn’t happy—or confident. In fact, I was even more insecure about what other people thought because I didn’t think I was perfect enough. It was a lie I had been sold that got me nowhere.
I decided enough was enough and that diet books were not my golden ticket to confidence. One day I received this thought that it was time to focus on my mental health, not my jeans size. I knew that deep down I would never be happy if I kept chasing external appearances. For the first time in my life, I had to get to know the real me instead of wanting someone else’s idea of perfection.
It was this thought that led me into the world of self-development six years ago and I never looked back. I read everything I could, took courses from new mentors, and created new habits that made me happy. I started to feel so good on the inside because I was finally seeing all the amazingness that was already within me.
I realized that being happy was not about finding something that existed in the physical world; it was about breaking down all the walls that hid away my inner light.
After about a year of intensely reading and studying everything I could, I was journaling one day and noticed that I felt fully confident in myself. I was confident and accepting of the woman that I am, even though my physical appearance didn’t change. For the first time ever, I didn’t care what other people thought of me; I only cared about what I thought of me.
And now writing this article, four years after that day, I have learned even more about confidence. Confidence is something that is always growing and changing just like myself. As I dig deeper into the relationship with me, my confidence expands in new ways. Of course, I still find moments when I pick apart my appearance or compare myself to others, but I don’t stay in that mindset for long. If I have learned anything over the years, it’s that I am the most important thing in my life, and when I fill up my own cup of happiness, my relationships flourish.
In fact, it’s my life’s mission to help other amazing women (and men) grow their confidence and expand their life. I know that when more humans are happy and accepting of themselves, the world is a better place.
You are perfect and amazing just as you are right now, no matter what society tries to tell you. I am here to share with you two simple and powerful ways you can use to start building your confidence, starting today.
Are you ready to expand your life and relationship to self? Here’s how:
1. Create small and measurable goals.
One of the fastest ways to start trusting ourselves is by creating small goals that are measurable and attainable. It’s so tempting to want to set huge goals right away because the energy rush is addicting. But what happens when we meet the first roadblock? We will quit, most likely.
That’s why I love to start with small goals that I know I can accomplish. It can seriously be anything from cleaning the house, calling a friend, or reading a book. This way when we complete these goals, we start showing ourselves that we can accomplish the things we set out to do.
While it’s important to have big dreams that scare us, we need to build a foundation of trust first. Our subconscious mind needs to know we will actually take action. Another important part of this is that we need to actually acknowledge and celebrate the goals when we complete them. Get excited when you cross the finish line and let your inner self know that you follow through on what you say.
One of the easiest ways to do this is by creating a seven-day challenge for yourself where you complete something small every day. You can do a daily meditation or movement practice, or anything you’ve been wanting to do. Write out the daily goal and cross it off; there’s no better feeling.
Once our subconscious mind knows that we can set a goal and complete it, we will start setting bigger goals and stepping more outside our comfort zone. Our confidence will increase in small and attainable amounts as we complete our goals. That way when that big leap comes and requires us to really put ourselves out there, we’ll be excited to go after it!
2. Declare your values.
Most people go through life on autopilot without even declaring what they actually want. Don’t be one of these people. Decide right now what you value and what is important to you. These values are the aspects of your life that you will create boundaries to protect.
Maybe we value our physical and mental health and need to set up our life to honor them. This could look like getting enough sleep, eating healthy, staying hydrated, and doing something creative. Once we decide what values are necessary for our well-being, we can confidently say no to things that don’t align with them. Setting boundaries is highly underrated when it comes to building confidence.
Most women are so used to doing things for other people that we lose sight of ourselves along the way. This makes us easy targets for mainstream marketing because we think that someone else has the answers. But when we start to show up for ourselves and create a life we love, our relationships will become deeper and more meaningful. We can say no to more things and not feel guilty because we’ll want people to experience the best version of us.
An easy way to start doing this is combine this tip with the one above. Make it a goal to sit down and start writing out your values. List out your core values and identify the things in your life that aren’t aligned with them. You can also list out your future goals and big dreams for your life and ways you can start moving toward them. Have fun getting to know yourself!
So, there you have it, two simple and powerful ways to build your confidence. The more time you spend getting to know yourself, your life will expand in ways you never thought possible. Life is infinitely better when you cherish the person in the mirror.
Why not start today?