PARDON ME, REPAIRS IN PROGRESS

2022 brought with it loss on many different fronts. I’ve been all over the place. I’ve been waiting for the dust to settle. I’ve been healing. Things take time. I haven’t known what I wanted to share, here. Sometimes, I don’t want to share anything (and that’s saying a lot, or not saying a lot, for a writer and a talk shower).

Last year was hard, you may’ve heard.

I hope it wasn’t, for you.

For me, the last four, and eight, and 12 months have been like a shattered-windowed house after a hurricane. My furniture blown over and dust all over everything. I’ve been looking at my life, this morning after the chaos, and wondering: what now?

In my personal life, I rode down various losses into stability over the last year, and now am left waiting for the dust to settle. I’ve written two children’s books, and now get to illustrate ‘em. I’m working on a climate crisis / utopian / dating show novel (writing 1,000 words a day, devouring books to fuel me).

I’m wondering about running for mayor, while simultaneously thinking of moving to Canada to be closer to my mom. I’m thinking about opening an antique shop, with new community crafts, too.

Here, and on Instagram, I’m wondering if I should share personal things, or writings, or both. Sometimes I don’t want to share anything at all.

I’ve published a new book to good reception and good sales.

I’m wanting very much to fall in love and have children with a teamplayer of a partner, after parting ways with my fiancee 5 months ago. I’ve had a hard time, since. After losing my dog to a 3.5 months shaking-in-pain-before-dying-before-his-time death in my arms, I’m adopting a new puppy when I get some of this figured out. I’m healing from a bad and rather debilitating injury, slowly. My mom’s been in shaky health, all year, at best, though she’s been brave and resolute in finding her way forward. So I’m thinking about leaving my first house, my home of 15 years, my childhood hometown…and moving away from my community to…another great community, far off, to be closer and more helpful to her. My best friend of many years…ghosted away, with no explanation. We’ve stabilized Elephant, for now, after laying off 20 dear staff, many of whom I’ve worked with for many years. I’m talking with a few agents, after being rejected by the first and most promising (he knew Elephant and my writing). I wasn’t gonna write this all out, yet again, I’ve written it before—but a similarly-challenged reader left a comment wondering what the heck I was moaning about, so I’ve added all this in, in light detail.

I’m beginning to teach programs on the road (Kripalu, some beach somewhere, Drala Mountain Center). I’ve re-started up our award-winning video and podcast series, and am looking at doing live events (just need a mission-driven title sponsor).

Change is hard, loss is hard, but gain and victory are hard, too. In the midst of all of it are unexpected moments of calm and gratitude and presence—

—which, this morning, from my desk, was full of birds twittering over my two full birdfeeders, while snow softly fell against the white gray black-and-white Flatirons, mountains fading into heavens.