This morning I woke up like something had hit me hard—it was like a gut punch of pure clarity.
I wasn’t expecting it. In the middle of my morning dreams with all these little mishaps flashing before my closed eyes, I woke up and the message came in loud and clear.
Your value is not in giving; your value is in receiving. It was confusing—wait, what? My whole life I’ve been taught that it is important to give.
Give your time, give your heart, give your kindness, give your money, give compliments, give your personality, give your all, and although that has served me quite well, it’s also the source of all my traumas. As a giver, I thought that if I gave enough love, I would be loved in return.
If I gave enough trust, that trust would be reciprocated. If I gave enough money, gratitude and hard work would be returned and my relationships and business would grow. If I gave enough of my time, it would fuel me to the depths of my soul.
But as I reflected on the entirety of my life, I realized that almost all of my trauma has come from people I gave too much to. And so, I was left empty, alone, and with a determination to start over, love harder, and give more.
After the failures, I would pick myself up from a failed marriage, a relationship with an employee or a friend gone wrong, an investment that wasn’t in my best interest, and so much more. I started to think that something inside of me must be fundamentally flawed. I would get up after each failure, abuse, or trauma and think to myself, “Maybe I wasn’t giving enough. Maybe I needed to love more.” But that was not the solution.
In giving, I was giving to the wrong people. I want to be clear. It wasn’t their fault; it was mine. I am the common denominator of everything good and bad that I have experienced. I trusted my family to console me when I felt threatened. I trusted friends who promised me an unrealistic outcome of an investment. I trusted my staff to put in the work in exchange for generous compensation.
The point is I was trusting sources outside of myself because I so badly wanted to give, but I realize now the truth is I wanted to receive, but something inside of me, hiding deep within my bones, didn’t feel like I was worthy enough to receive. So, I kept giving. It had to be the solution to this gaping hole of insecurity that was burning me up inside. I didn’t know where that was coming from, but I now understand that I was doing it so I could finally feel accepted and feel I was finally enough.
In the middle of this season of life, these revelations have not been easy, but they have been extremely enlightening. I have been reflecting, healing, hibernating, journaling, meditating, and allowing the memories of my past to melt away as I surrender to the resolution of living life alive.
Do you feel like you are living life alive?
If you’re like me, perhaps you are a healer, a giver, a people pleaser, or you have a desire to make a difference in the world. You are sensitive, intuitive, or an empath. Those of us who dance on the spectrum of intuitive sensitivities are inclined to give. It’s more comfortable to give than to receive. That’s actually a beautiful thing, but the question is: Who are you giving to?
If you look around your life, you might be giving your love, trust, and energy to the wrong people.
So, what’s the solution?
It’s in the power of receiving. When you receive, you are unconsciously sending a message to your being that you are enough. You don’t have to prove; you don’t have to try harder; you don’t have to give more; you don’t have to love harder.
You have to receive.
What happens when you are given a compliment? What happens when you are given a gift? What happens when someone shows up in your life who wants to love you more than you’ve ever been loved before?
If you are honest with yourself, you might not think you deserve it. But that is a big fat lie.
Right now, as you are, you are enough. Receive it. Know it. Be it. Enjoy it. Your power is in receiving. Receive the idea that you are enough. You are powerful, potent, extraordinary, gifted, and talented, and you, as you are right now, are enough. Receive the gifts from the universe, unhide your magic, trust your intuitive gut feelings, and take a moment to take a giant breath inside of that beautiful body of yours and acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with you, nothing left to fix, no problem to solve. Exhale.
You are exactly where you are meant to be.
So next time your inclination is to give, take a look around and ask yourself if you are giving to fill a void, or you are giving to prove, or perhaps you are giving from this space of pure joy, pure gratitude, pure elation because you know you are enough.
Right now, I am in the best space in my life. I know who I am, and my journey now is to receive this giant heart of mine, this sweet surrender of my body transforming, the beautiful gift of knowing myself, loving this moment right now, and having gratitude for the gift of being exactly where I am.
For the first time in my life, I am not in a rush to be successful, I am not in a rush to push my business forward. I am not in a rush to find a relationship to fill a void. I am enjoying the sweet sounds of my inhales and exhales, the sound of receiving that right now, at this moment, I am enough.
My independent nature has always led me to do life alone.
But if I receive, I know to my core I am not alone. I am surrounded by the beauty of the universe in its magnificence, and as my perspective changes, I have an incredible life, people who come into my life for a time or a season, and people who will remain for a lifetime. I finally acknowledge that I am surrounded by people who truly adore me, who have my back, and who want to give to me as much as I have given to them. But I have to receive them and receive from them. It also means I have to be willing to ask for help when I need it. My old pattern would only ask for help when it was too late. I was already down the rabbit hole of victim, blaming, shame, and insecurity.
As I sit in the silence of right now, I am no longer keeping score, and for the first time there is freedom in the surrender to receive. It is changing my life.
So, I would encourage you to take an inventory of your life. Are you keeping score? Or are you willing to see that there are so many people who want you to receive, who want to give, support, and encourage your brilliance?
You don’t have to do life alone. You got this.
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