Browse Front PageShare Your Idea

Abandoning the repeated circle of unfulfilled relationships

0 Heart it! Alinea Smaragda 54
January 25, 2018
Alinea Smaragda
0 Heart it! 54

We live in a world with such an immense hunger for equality and intimacy, and even if it doesn’t thrive in the personal relationships, it is the initial purpose of all existence. Why people would otherwise want to come together, if it was not because of the need of sharing, of pleasure, of fulfilment, of creating a new world. The warm sensation rolling into one another’s body, the gentle touch and the raw passion of wanting someone. The feeling to want to lose yourself into the other person’s eyes, and forget who you are.

Each of us hold keys to secret doors for each other, a remembrance of a lost beauty, a soft love, a sweet feeling of belonging and returning home. These are the components of our togetherness and if we exclude the power games and the traumas that drive our actions, behind there is just pure creation merging in a playful game of love and sensuality of male and female elements. Raw and velvet love.

But what we do to worth each other?

The fact is that we all want intimate relationships.  The question is: are we really going for it? It seems like we have a memory of the way we would feel whole and we dream to feel this with another person but many times our actions are far beyond.

Some months ago I’ve met a man that he wanted to give me the world. In a few weeks he said so many things to me that others could take maybe months to express. We had some really good moments but during the day I had to find myself with his other twin self who wanting to control things, fix me in his program and follow his rhythm where my own rhythm had to agree to resign again and again. And he never made it to do make the necessary steps towards me. And whatever good had happened was losing ground for me because there were not a balance of exchange there. Reflecting his own needs only, he lost sight on me even he didn’t realized.  As a well centered person and in constant connection to my heart I took the good staff out of this and I continued my own path and what resonated better with my self-love.

The truth is that many times there are such feelings strong enough to hold and bond people together but this is not going to happen when we drive an ego-centered life from the time we want to be with another person. We can’t fix people in our program, neither in our ways, and expect from them to have a certain behavior, and we neither can attach them to our lives just like the pieces of another puzzle. People are not meant to fit, they are meant to celebrated as they are.

Although I don’t believe there is a certain prescription for intimate relationships, I think there is a list of doings that could help us embrace this kind of togetherness:

1)      Abandoning the trauma of past lovers. We can’t really walk in a new love armored with the wounds of the past. The memory of our experience has certainly lift an imprint in our psyche but I think that traumas are overrated these days. We give them more space than should normally take. And maybe there is another way to free ourselves from traumas, by accepting the experience we made that time with that person, with all the good and the bad, embrace them and let our traumas melt in love. And this love is our own lap of kindness for ourselves. And this splashing beauty is what makes us irresistible. There is always a choice in every circumstance where we must choose the ground we stand, fear or love? If we choose not to let our traumas define us, they will find a way to healed through life itself. We will not project them to other person and finally we could escape creating a circle of repetitiousness where we occasionally find ourselves in the “lost and found”, or looking to put the blame somewhere limiting at the same time so much the ground of all the desired things that could have been said or happened.

2)      Detach from control and structured behaviors. Although we all have our yes and don’ts more or less, beyond that, our togetherness depends of our willingness to flow with the other person and in order to achieve that, we have to abandon our need to control things and just let them unfold spontaneously. I understand that this maybe it is a scary thing to do. Maybe we feel vulnerable, like walking in an unknown territory. And this is one of the main reasons why people stepped armored in relationships, discussions, even sex, and many times gradually they found themselves from the implacability to dead end.  But walking vulnerable in love is the golden key for intimate relationships. When you are willing to let go of fixed behaviors we create a pure ground of opportunities where each one is supported to grow freely.

3)     Embrace your true feelings. You have to embrace the way you feel. Many people think this is easy and self –evident but the truth is that not all the people have the capacity to bestow themselves to the leadership of their heart. So instead to acknowledge the way they feel, what they do is to play games. Power games most of the time destroy the natural flow of things, and could create the opposite results from what you intended at the first place. This cats and dogs hunting game is boring to the self-sufficient people, and not exciting at all. The feelings demands a certain level of maturity and responsibility.

4)     Let go of your knowing. Leave all you think you know. The mastery of life never ends especially what it comes to another person. Many times we think we know and we think that we have understood. Relationships are all about exploration. We discover the other person, though sharing and listening. Stay silent, observe, and respect every word is shared because that word was once alive in a certain experience. Honor the moment and every moment. This is the way that our bonding takes flesh, it becomes intimate.

5)     Bestow yourself during sex. You now the saying “ no rules attached ”, in these words it is the whole meaning of what we could experience as an intimate physical experience with another person. Infusing it with respect for the body that is offering to us, and the soul living in it. Walk in a sacred pilgrimage with your loved one.

6)     Creating an intimate relationship with ourselves. Everything is a reflection of who we are. If we want to create intimate relationship, first we create an intimate, honest and deep relationship with our self. This is the foundation of all to come.

7)     Stop believing in fairy tales. It is very possibilities to live actually a fairy tale but you have to quit from expecting to live it. Why, because we are all ordinary people, and what makes us extraordinary many times are the ordinary things and our personal flaws. Our scars. This is the beauty. And if you can’t embrace that truth, how you will ever be able to see truly the colors of the other person? Walking on the clouds in relationships is tricky. Magic is where the real thing is. People don’t like to see the ugly staff but many times the shadows we see in others are just compressed light, where we have to shower it with our love, and this is where it takes place the miracle of love.

I know of so many people struggling to remember the fragrance and this essence, and they try hard to find the way to return back to this state of intimacy.

What if I tell you that it isn’t a marked path!

But what is the essence of an intimate relationship?

To me is the ability to dive into the individuality. From whatever you ever read or told, the best recipe for an authentic and truly awakening life with another person, would be to be able to understand the alchemy and the unique components this body and soul is made of, and bow silently to his/her creation. There is the place where the communion is first really taking place.

Raw Love


Browse Front PageShare Your Idea
0 Heart it! Alinea Smaragda 54
0 Heart it! 54

Read Elephant’s Best Articles of the Week here.
Readers voted with your hearts, comments, views, and shares:
Click here to see which Writers & Issues Won.