We read a lot about avoiding relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.

What are we supposed to do if we’d prefer to have a relationship with an emotionally available person?

The best way to ensure we’re having relationships with emotionally available people is to be emotionally available ourselves.

Emotionally availability is the key to creating and keeping healthy relationships. The emotionally available person can make a heart connection with another person because they have built their reality on a foundation of self-love.

An emotionally available person can bond in a healthy way—fulfilling a fundamental human desire.

Signs that you’re involved with an emotionally available person.

1. Transparency. We don’t have to guess who this person is. They show us right from the start what they’re all about. Their words match their actions. They do what they say they’ll do. They show up when we’ve made plans. They have good follow through. They are predictable—willing to emotionally engage on an ongoing basis. They walk their talk. Authenticity is their middle name—they communicate their truth.

“Action speaks louder than words.” ~ Mark Twain

2. They are connected to their own heart. They’ve cultivated a deep, loving relationship with themselves. They are their own best friend. They are interesting because they spend time cultivating their personal interests. They are not needy nor clingy because they are perfectly happy with space to be themselves and give us room to do the same. Also, they’ve weathered their own storms—addressing and coming to terms with their own baggage.

3. Self-care. The emotionally available person has nailed self-care. They spend a good amount of time taking care of their physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs. They do not have to rely on others to fill these basic needs.

4. They accept their role in past failed relationships. He/she doesn’t badmouth their exes. They accept responsibility for their own role in the demise of former relationships. They have learned valuable lessons from their mistakes. They are not afraid to mention the past because they are not trying to hide something. They don’t make excuses.

5. They show up with their heart on their sleeve. They get below the surface and generate real conversation that shows interest in other people’s feelings. They are willing to be vulnerable and take risks. They are honestly open and clear about their feelings. They can admit when they’re feeling scared.

6. They are not substances abusers. They are present in their own life. They would rather feel what is happening than be numb. This is not to say they are teetotalers. They can enjoy moderation in all things.

7. If it’s a romantic relationship, they are willing to take things slowly. Even though there can be intense attraction during the infatuation stage, they exercise some self control and want to spend a decent amount of time getting to know us before we hop between the sheets. Cultivating a healthy relationship takes time and open communication. They are willing to nurture the relationship and let it grow steadily.

8. They respect all people. They have a healthy relationship with the people in their life. They encourage us to spend time with their friends and family. And they are interested in our friends and family. They are polite to people in service roles.

9. They are thoughtful. There is room in their life and heart for someone else. They spend time helping others.

10. They have goals. They create a present reality that is propelling them toward a bright future.

To cut ourselves a little slack, we can all become emotionally unavailable during times of illness or extreme heartbreak.

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references: The Denver Post

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relephant reads:

How to Fall in Love with Yourself.

This is What I Know about Love.

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Author: Ashleigh Hitchcock

photo: Ioana Casapu/Unsplash; flickr 

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