“The world is holy! The soul is holy! The skin is holy!” ~ Allen Ginsberg

Sex isn’t about Lust, it’s about the Present Moment.

What is it about searching for sex…falling into lust, swimming through the dating pool that is so often so disappointing, and frustrating?

What is it about “getting laid” that’s so enticing? It’s pure adrenaline. Pure pleasure. A relief from our sorrows and troubles, however momentary.

Well, as we know, the troubles come flooding back in after sex, and even love.

So let’s look at 10 ways to get laid that don’t involve temporary pleasure, but instead involve something more fundamental, more lasting.

And, yes, most of these have nothing to do with sex. Most of these, that is, except for #3.

1. Meditate. Here’s how. This is probably obvious, but it’s a powerful, simple, and incredibly boring and difficult (there’s a reason we call it “practice”—it takes practice) way to transform our neurosis and klesha into empathy and clear-seeing confidence.
2. When you’re drowning in boredom, or burning in anger, or lusting for love…a sure way to rocket up into oh god, yes, yes, yes true and lasting ecstasy is to breathe deep, get out into Nature, or a park, or just stare at a tree or the sky—anything not manmade. Okay—Nature may not feel like an orgasm, it may not feel like sex—but it will make you happy and whole and healthy from the inside, out. And that, fundamentally, is what we long for when we long for sex, and in love. Fundamentally, the lust for sex isn’t just biology, and the longing for love isn’t just RomCom stupidity. There’s something holy in both, and something simple: we want to be present, fully. We want to enjoy ourselves. And the way to do so, often, is to get outside ourselves. And to get outside.
3. Sometimes, the greatest way to truly get laid, spiritually-speaking, is to get laid, physically-speaking. But don’t “get laid”—find someone who will appreciate you, and vice versa. Find a relationship with respect and humor and clear communication. I write about that in my Things I would like to do with You. We can, we can, we can find a relationship with appreciation and room for change, loneliness, humor, independence—even if it’s just ourselves. We call that Maitri, and you can practice it right here at home, for free, alone, at any time.

Sometimes, top 10 lists are top 3 lists. And sometimes they are lists of what we don’t have but want, but rather reminders to return to our own basic goodness.

And sometimes sex isn’t about sex—it’s about a longing to be fully present, with a sense of joy, and celebration, and humor, and dance.

~

Relephant Bonus: