Our world is smaller now than it ever has been.

We have so many ways to stay in touch, reach out, and connect. And yet, it seems we are still just as isolated as we ever have been. We’ve replaced face to face conversation with texting. We relate to each other now in sound bites, and memes, and interactions that fit neatly into less than 140 characters. It’s like we’ve forgotten how important human interaction is.

And, certainly, we’ve forgotten how powerful our words are.

Whoever said “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” must have never been teased in school, torn down by angry parents, or told that their dreams were too big for them. When we are young, before we know who we are, the cruel, critical things people say can become part of our truth.

This is why my number one house rule is: be kind or be silent.

As damaging as hurtful words can be, we always have the ability to take the power off of them. If we know who we are, and we love ourselves unconditionally, no one can use their words to define us. We can easily reject those things instead of taking them on as part of our truth. This comes with age, and wisdom, and practice.

The negative words of another become less powerful when we realize that they are speaking from their own pain, insecurity, and lack of self-love. When they point out our flaws, it is because we are showing them a part of themselves they don’t like. Their words can really only define who they are and where they are at in life. They can’t define us, without our permission.

Everyone has a few memories, a few precise moments in time, when someone said something that changed us. They’re the memories we can return to when we’ve lost our way. They stay with us as reminders that we have what it takes, that we are good, and kind, and special.

In recent years, I’ve undergone a drastic life change. It began with a divorce after a long marriage. It required me to go all the way back to my childhood and try to remember who I was before I lost my way.

My childhood was very difficult. Early sexual abuse, a mentally ill parent, emotional abuse, poverty, and deep feelings of abandonment left me feeling worthless and broken.

As a writer, a lover of words, I’ve begun sharing my story with the world. It’s been incredibly healing for me to do so. I’ve always known that words were powerful, but I had no idea the magnitude of that power.

Recently, I’ve discovered the most powerful words in the English language. They can help to form an instant bond between perfect strangers. They offer comfort in times of sorrow. They ease the pain of our past. These simple words can heal us the instant they are spoken.

It’s more than, “I love you.” We’ve all heard those words on the lips of someone who didn’t know how to love us. We’ve heard them from people who have hurt us deeply. We say that we “love” turkey sandwiches, and coffee shops, and cell phone cases.

It’s become so watered down it scarcely means what it once did.

It’s more than, “I’m sorry.” Which is also powerful, but also overused. It can be said insincerely. It can be used in an attempt to minimize the painful things we experience in life. It can be said a thousand times, but without some action, it’s just words.

The most powerful words I have found in my years as a writer are: “Me too.”

Think about this.

The moment you share something about yourself—a memory, an opinion, a belief, (or in my case,  childhood traumas, the story of how your husband came out of the closet, or what it was like growing up with a schizophrenic parent) you’ve made yourself vulnerable.

You’ve opened yourself up for criticism, rejection, and judgement.

When someone listens to your story, and in turn shares that they have had a similar experience in their own life, the healing that can result is immeasurable. There is so much comfort in knowing that even when we feel most alone, we never, ever are.

What has happened for me, is that the more I share myself with the world, the freer I feel. Telling my story makes me feel empowered. It helps me see my growth, my strength, and my fortitude. It helps me believe that anything is possible, because if that were not the case I would not be here today.

When someone shares their story with me, I feel deeply honored. I know how difficult it can be to open up old wounds and share them—especially with a stranger. I am always grateful when someone reaches out to say, “Me too.” It reminds me that I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing in the world— there is great peace and joy in knowing that.

Words are powerful. When we use our words to connect with others, we are powerful. With just a little tiny bit of vulnerability, we can create healing, peace, and comfort for ourselves and others.

By sharing our stories, we invite others to share as well, and together we grow.

Author: Renée Dubeau

Editor: Renée Picard

Image: estelle f. at Flickr